You're probably tired of this by now, but I wanted to give another update on how things are going for me this month, with my 99 cent price experiment. If you remember, to match my best month in sales priced at $2.99 I need to sell 32 books a day priced at 99 cents.
I just sold my 800th book for this month. Since it's the 20th, it's easy math. I'm averaging 40 sales per day. Now, the first four days of the month were fantastic, and it did slow down from there. So, I calculated out just the 5th to the 19th to get a more accurate picture of what my average sales per day are. In that snapshot I averaged 32 sales a day. Right were I need to be to tie my biggest money maker month. Yay!
Now, I want to address the issue of "cheapening" by work by selling my book at only 99 cents. I know some people think it devalues my novel, or conditions people to expect a low price for my future works. I don't take much stock in that thought.
I'm a totally unknown author. People don't know my name, they don't know if they like my work. If I can get several thousand people to try my book, and they do enjoy it, they'll pay more for future books. It's a marketing strategy, and in my case, it's working.
Now, I don't know how many people buy my book and add it to an already long to be read pile. But I do know that some people are reading it. I'm getting feedback from people. I'm getting reviews. More people are joining my Facebook fan page. (Yay!) So I know that not everyone is buying and not reading.
Which is fantastic. When I get an email telling me how much someone enjoyed my book, it makes all of this worth it. :)
Vicki
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Friday, October 8, 2010
More Sales Numbers
I know you're all just waiting for me to post more of my numbers. Well, I won't keep you waiting any longer. Here's what's been happening this month so far with my sales:
1st: 116 sold. (Wow, what happened that day?)
2nd: 50 sold.
3rd: 66 sold.
4th: 56 sold.
5th: 34 sold.
6th: 30 sold.
7th: 35 sold.
As you can see, the month started off with a bang! And things have slowed down here lately. But I still am selling well beyond my 17 sales that I need to tie what I was doing before I dropped my price to 99 cents. So, even though I'm slowing down, I am still happy with the 99 cent price and plan on keeping the price for now.
As for what I will price my next book at... I'm really not sure. At first I thought I would start it out at $2.99 to see what it can do. Then I changed my mind, wanting to make a bigger bang with rank and decided to start it at 99 cents. Right now I keep waffling back and forth, not sure what I will do. I might try an introductory price of 99 cents, and see what happens. But I don't want to be locked into raising it if it's selling much better than Not What She Seems. So I'm torn.
Have you played around with your book price? I'd love to know if you have found that sweet spot for your book.
Vicki
1st: 116 sold. (Wow, what happened that day?)
2nd: 50 sold.
3rd: 66 sold.
4th: 56 sold.
5th: 34 sold.
6th: 30 sold.
7th: 35 sold.
As you can see, the month started off with a bang! And things have slowed down here lately. But I still am selling well beyond my 17 sales that I need to tie what I was doing before I dropped my price to 99 cents. So, even though I'm slowing down, I am still happy with the 99 cent price and plan on keeping the price for now.
As for what I will price my next book at... I'm really not sure. At first I thought I would start it out at $2.99 to see what it can do. Then I changed my mind, wanting to make a bigger bang with rank and decided to start it at 99 cents. Right now I keep waffling back and forth, not sure what I will do. I might try an introductory price of 99 cents, and see what happens. But I don't want to be locked into raising it if it's selling much better than Not What She Seems. So I'm torn.
Have you played around with your book price? I'd love to know if you have found that sweet spot for your book.
Vicki
Thursday, September 30, 2010
My $.99 Experiment
Hi, I just wanted to let everyone know how my 99 cent experiment is working so far. This is only the 4th day, but so far the results are good.
Before I show my sales for the past few days, I'll share a little bit of background. My average sales for August and September (with the exception of my Kindle Nation Daily spot and my price drop) were 3 books a day. In order to match this and not lose money from where I was at in August and September, I need to sell at least 17.4 books a day at the new $.99 price.
Monday - 49 books sold.
Tuesday - 67 books sold.
Wednesday - 40 books sold.
Thursday so far - 31 books sold at 4:42 pm.
My best month was July, for royalties not sales, and I sold an average of 5.6 books a day. To match my best month, I need to sell 32 books per day. So far, this has been easy to surpass. It looks like my 99 cent price is going to earn me more royalties than my $2.99 price, even though I only get 35%.
And I get more readers. And more reviews.
Something else is happening also. I am getting mentioned on blogs and facebook pages that list very cheap books.
I'll keep you updated as this progresses. I must say that Joe Konrath might be missing the boat a little telling people that the sweet pricing spot is $2.99. At least for me, the 99 cent price is looking sweeter.
Vicki
Before I show my sales for the past few days, I'll share a little bit of background. My average sales for August and September (with the exception of my Kindle Nation Daily spot and my price drop) were 3 books a day. In order to match this and not lose money from where I was at in August and September, I need to sell at least 17.4 books a day at the new $.99 price.
Monday - 49 books sold.
Tuesday - 67 books sold.
Wednesday - 40 books sold.
Thursday so far - 31 books sold at 4:42 pm.
My best month was July, for royalties not sales, and I sold an average of 5.6 books a day. To match my best month, I need to sell 32 books per day. So far, this has been easy to surpass. It looks like my 99 cent price is going to earn me more royalties than my $2.99 price, even though I only get 35%.
And I get more readers. And more reviews.
Something else is happening also. I am getting mentioned on blogs and facebook pages that list very cheap books.
I'll keep you updated as this progresses. I must say that Joe Konrath might be missing the boat a little telling people that the sweet pricing spot is $2.99. At least for me, the 99 cent price is looking sweeter.
Vicki
Monday, September 27, 2010
I changed my Kindle ebook price!
Okay, I know I just blogged about how happy I am with my sales. That was right after I was featured in Kindle Nation Daily and I was still on the sales high. My sales really slumped yesterday, so I decided to experiment. (That's the nice thing about having your book on the Kindle.)
I changed my price to 99 cents.
Wow, what was I thinking... right? How can going from making $2.04 per sale to $.35 per sale be a good thing? Well, if I'm selling 3 books a day at $2.99, I'm making $6.12 a day. (That's been my average this month, with the exception of my Kindle Nation Daily short coming out.) And that's assuming all of my sales are in the US. (They're not.)
But, if lowering my price to 99 cents allows me to sell 33 books a day (that's what I've sold today since I changed my price and announced it), then I'm making $11.55 per day. And more people get to enjoy my book. And I get more reviews. And a higher rank on Amazon which gives me more exposure.
That might not seem like a big deal to you, but let's do the math.
$2.99 price + 3 sales a day = $183.60 per month.
$.99 price + 33 sales a day = $346.50 per month.
That almost equals my best month at $2.99. And more people get to enjoy my book, I get more reviews, and a higher rank on Amazon.
Now, I have no idea if these crazy great sales will continue. If the sales drop off the planet, I'll come crawling back here in sorrow, and do more math to figure out my next move. But for now, I'm really liking this 99 cent price drop. :)
I'll keep you posted as to how it's going!
Vicki
I changed my price to 99 cents.
Wow, what was I thinking... right? How can going from making $2.04 per sale to $.35 per sale be a good thing? Well, if I'm selling 3 books a day at $2.99, I'm making $6.12 a day. (That's been my average this month, with the exception of my Kindle Nation Daily short coming out.) And that's assuming all of my sales are in the US. (They're not.)
But, if lowering my price to 99 cents allows me to sell 33 books a day (that's what I've sold today since I changed my price and announced it), then I'm making $11.55 per day. And more people get to enjoy my book. And I get more reviews. And a higher rank on Amazon which gives me more exposure.
That might not seem like a big deal to you, but let's do the math.
$2.99 price + 3 sales a day = $183.60 per month.
$.99 price + 33 sales a day = $346.50 per month.
That almost equals my best month at $2.99. And more people get to enjoy my book, I get more reviews, and a higher rank on Amazon.
Now, I have no idea if these crazy great sales will continue. If the sales drop off the planet, I'll come crawling back here in sorrow, and do more math to figure out my next move. But for now, I'm really liking this 99 cent price drop. :)
I'll keep you posted as to how it's going!
Vicki
Saturday, September 25, 2010
1000th Copy Sold!
I'm celebrating this week because I've sold my 1,000th copy of my book! Wow. It's amazing to think that a thousand people have purchased something that I wrote. I'm both humbled and extremely excited.
For those of you who are wondering how long it took me, here's a quick recap of my sales by month. I uploaded my book on April 20th, 2010.
April - 7
May - 151
June - 456
July - 176
August - 106
September (so far) - 143
As you can see, the bulk of my sales came from June. I attribute this to being featured on some great blogs, and my book was still priced at $1.99. I priced it low for the first three months, which allowed me to gain momentum and get some reviews under my belt. Sales fell dramatically in July when I raised my price to $2.99.
Now, do I feel like I made a mistake raising my price? Maybe. However, I did make a little more money in July than I did in June. Why? Because Amazon raised their royalty rates to 70% in July for all Kindle books priced between $2.99 and $9.99. Before, at $1.99 I was making 35% royalties. ($.70 per sale) Starting in July when I raised my price to $2.99 I began making 70% royalties for all sales in the US. ($2.04 per sale) That's a huge jump in royalties.
August, however, was a very slow sales month for me. I'll never know if I had kept my lower price, if I would have kept my sales momentum. In the end, I am happy with how well it's been selling. I'm very excited for my next book, The Overtaking, which will probably be ready for the Kindle around the end of the year. I do think the secret to success on the Kindle is having a loss leader, so I plan on making The Overtaking mine. I'll price it at 99 cents, at least for the first three months, in hopes that it will sell like crazy and draw some attention to my higher priced book.
I'll let you know how it goes!
Vicki
For those of you who are wondering how long it took me, here's a quick recap of my sales by month. I uploaded my book on April 20th, 2010.
April - 7
May - 151
June - 456
July - 176
August - 106
September (so far) - 143
As you can see, the bulk of my sales came from June. I attribute this to being featured on some great blogs, and my book was still priced at $1.99. I priced it low for the first three months, which allowed me to gain momentum and get some reviews under my belt. Sales fell dramatically in July when I raised my price to $2.99.
Now, do I feel like I made a mistake raising my price? Maybe. However, I did make a little more money in July than I did in June. Why? Because Amazon raised their royalty rates to 70% in July for all Kindle books priced between $2.99 and $9.99. Before, at $1.99 I was making 35% royalties. ($.70 per sale) Starting in July when I raised my price to $2.99 I began making 70% royalties for all sales in the US. ($2.04 per sale) That's a huge jump in royalties.
August, however, was a very slow sales month for me. I'll never know if I had kept my lower price, if I would have kept my sales momentum. In the end, I am happy with how well it's been selling. I'm very excited for my next book, The Overtaking, which will probably be ready for the Kindle around the end of the year. I do think the secret to success on the Kindle is having a loss leader, so I plan on making The Overtaking mine. I'll price it at 99 cents, at least for the first three months, in hopes that it will sell like crazy and draw some attention to my higher priced book.
I'll let you know how it goes!
Vicki
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Hook Victorine #11
Here's the first 400 words from Secrets in the Shadows, by T.L. Haddix.
As dawn reached its fingers out over the Midwest, the sun creating pink trails that stretched toward the rivers and fields, the woman’s sleep was disturbed by haunting images of quiet violence. The dream started innocuously enough, as she was walking through a sunlit meadow, the warm summer breezes gently teasing her hair away from her face. As she turned her face toward the sky, eyes closed against the glare of the sun, a sudden chill coursed across her skin, and a shadow fell across her face. Opening her eyes, she was startled to see that ugly black clouds had covered the sky from horizon to horizon, roiling, churning things, filled with a malevolence she could sense in her core.
I like the author’s writing style. The descriptions are poetic, and yet I don’t feel like they’re overwritten. The thing that I would warn against is beginning with a dream. I know I’ve already covered that. If you didn’t read my other post about it, here’s the recap. Starting with a dream is done a lot. And I mean a lot. This is the fourth book in my Hook Victorine that has started with a dream. So, just be aware it’s done quite a bit. I won’t mention it again, I’ll go on and let you know if I’m hooked based on the premise of the story.
I also feel distanced from the character, in this narrated point of view. I’d rather be in her point of view, know her name, and feel what she feels. This is something else I see a lot, and I personally dislike it. However, this is just my opinion, so you might find others who really like that distanced point of view in the beginning.
Turning, she ran toward the house, the place that had always been a safe haven. As she reached the worn steps, she stopped, hesitating and confused. A growing sense of unease was moving through her, telling her to not open the door, to not go in the house. Unable to stop her body, she watched as she raised her hand and opened the door, stepping over the threshold and into the gloomy darkness.
I would suggest a little bit of tweaking here. “A growing sense of unease was moving through her,” I would change to “A growing sense of unease moved through her.” I am curious as to why she’s feeling this unease. I’ll read on to see what happens.
Suddenly, as dreams often do, she was in another place, but still aware of the growing storm outside the windows, as well as of the fear that was growing inside her body.
Just a nit pick here, but earlier she had a growing sense of unease, and how the storm is growing and the fear is growing. I might suggest a rewording, it just jumped out at me. As far as the story goes, I like the sense of fear, and I’m wondering what is going to happen next.
It was night, and the lightning was flashing, but all she could hear was her heartbeat and the sound of her own breathing.
Another nit pick. Instead of saying “It was night,” I would show that it’s night by describing the dark. Also, the lightning was flashing is passive, I would make it more active. Here’s what I would do to tweak it: “The lightning flashed across the pitch black sky, but all she heard was her heartbeat and the sound of her own breathing.”
Her pulse was racing, pounding in her ears, and her breath was sawing in and out of her lungs as though she had run for miles.
Her pulse raced, pounding in her ears. I’ll stop taking out the passive ‘was’ phrases, I’m starting to annoy myself. I’m picking at nits. I’ll keep reading and let you know if I’m hooked.
As she looked around her, she discovered that she was standing in her own room, now faded and gray, the surfaces covered in dust. Staring at the bed, she realized there was someone in it, cowering under the covers. She could see the bedspread shaking with tremors, and she knew that whoever the person was in the bed, they were terrified. A dim light slowly grew across the bed, light from the hall that was quickly extinguished as whoever had entered her room closed the door rapidly behind them.
I don’t think I like someone coming in the bedroom at night. I think this might be a predator of some sort. It gives me a very creepy feeling. If this is what the author is going for, they’re doing a great job.
As her breathing and pulse quieted down, she was finally able to hear the sounds outside her body, and as she listened, heavy boot steps made their way across the room from the door.
Yep, I don’t like the guy with the boots. Okay, here’s my assessment. I would keep reading to see if they creepy guy was going to kill the person shaking in their bed. If this turns out to be a story about the molestation of a child, I wouldn’t continue to read. That’s just my personal preference though. I don’t like to read about horrible things happening to children. But on the upswing, I do think the author has done a good job with creating a creepy mood for this book.
As dawn reached its fingers out over the Midwest, the sun creating pink trails that stretched toward the rivers and fields, the woman’s sleep was disturbed by haunting images of quiet violence. The dream started innocuously enough, as she was walking through a sunlit meadow, the warm summer breezes gently teasing her hair away from her face. As she turned her face toward the sky, eyes closed against the glare of the sun, a sudden chill coursed across her skin, and a shadow fell across her face. Opening her eyes, she was startled to see that ugly black clouds had covered the sky from horizon to horizon, roiling, churning things, filled with a malevolence she could sense in her core.
I like the author’s writing style. The descriptions are poetic, and yet I don’t feel like they’re overwritten. The thing that I would warn against is beginning with a dream. I know I’ve already covered that. If you didn’t read my other post about it, here’s the recap. Starting with a dream is done a lot. And I mean a lot. This is the fourth book in my Hook Victorine that has started with a dream. So, just be aware it’s done quite a bit. I won’t mention it again, I’ll go on and let you know if I’m hooked based on the premise of the story.
I also feel distanced from the character, in this narrated point of view. I’d rather be in her point of view, know her name, and feel what she feels. This is something else I see a lot, and I personally dislike it. However, this is just my opinion, so you might find others who really like that distanced point of view in the beginning.
Turning, she ran toward the house, the place that had always been a safe haven. As she reached the worn steps, she stopped, hesitating and confused. A growing sense of unease was moving through her, telling her to not open the door, to not go in the house. Unable to stop her body, she watched as she raised her hand and opened the door, stepping over the threshold and into the gloomy darkness.
I would suggest a little bit of tweaking here. “A growing sense of unease was moving through her,” I would change to “A growing sense of unease moved through her.” I am curious as to why she’s feeling this unease. I’ll read on to see what happens.
Suddenly, as dreams often do, she was in another place, but still aware of the growing storm outside the windows, as well as of the fear that was growing inside her body.
Just a nit pick here, but earlier she had a growing sense of unease, and how the storm is growing and the fear is growing. I might suggest a rewording, it just jumped out at me. As far as the story goes, I like the sense of fear, and I’m wondering what is going to happen next.
It was night, and the lightning was flashing, but all she could hear was her heartbeat and the sound of her own breathing.
Another nit pick. Instead of saying “It was night,” I would show that it’s night by describing the dark. Also, the lightning was flashing is passive, I would make it more active. Here’s what I would do to tweak it: “The lightning flashed across the pitch black sky, but all she heard was her heartbeat and the sound of her own breathing.”
Her pulse was racing, pounding in her ears, and her breath was sawing in and out of her lungs as though she had run for miles.
Her pulse raced, pounding in her ears. I’ll stop taking out the passive ‘was’ phrases, I’m starting to annoy myself. I’m picking at nits. I’ll keep reading and let you know if I’m hooked.
As she looked around her, she discovered that she was standing in her own room, now faded and gray, the surfaces covered in dust. Staring at the bed, she realized there was someone in it, cowering under the covers. She could see the bedspread shaking with tremors, and she knew that whoever the person was in the bed, they were terrified. A dim light slowly grew across the bed, light from the hall that was quickly extinguished as whoever had entered her room closed the door rapidly behind them.
I don’t think I like someone coming in the bedroom at night. I think this might be a predator of some sort. It gives me a very creepy feeling. If this is what the author is going for, they’re doing a great job.
As her breathing and pulse quieted down, she was finally able to hear the sounds outside her body, and as she listened, heavy boot steps made their way across the room from the door.
Yep, I don’t like the guy with the boots. Okay, here’s my assessment. I would keep reading to see if they creepy guy was going to kill the person shaking in their bed. If this turns out to be a story about the molestation of a child, I wouldn’t continue to read. That’s just my personal preference though. I don’t like to read about horrible things happening to children. But on the upswing, I do think the author has done a good job with creating a creepy mood for this book.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
The Winners!
Thank you everyone who entered my contest! I put everyone's names in a bowl and my daughter drew three of them out.
And the winners are... Kippoe... Stormy... and Linda!
Congratulations!
Now I just need your email addresses. Just click this link, fill out the form letting me know you won, and I'll send you the .prc file of my book.
Thank you!
Vicki
And the winners are... Kippoe... Stormy... and Linda!
Congratulations!
Now I just need your email addresses. Just click this link, fill out the form letting me know you won, and I'll send you the .prc file of my book.
Thank you!
Vicki
Monday, August 2, 2010
Free Kindle Book Giveaway
Hi everyone!
I'm giving away three free Mobi (.prc) files of my book, Not What She Seems. This can be read on your Kindle. (You are not obligated to review it after you've read it.)
The only thing you have to do to enter, is post a comment on here! I'll throw all the names into a hat and draw one out tomorrow the 3rd of August. I'll do the drawing in the afternoon, and then announce the three winners. You have to use your name when you post, obviously. Then you send me your email address and I'll email you the book.
Not sure if you'd like my book? Here's the blurb:
Steven Ashton, a billionaire from New York, and Emily Grant, on the run from the law... and when they meet he can’t help falling for her. What he doesn’t know is that interfering in her life will put his own life in danger.
Not What She Seems holds you in suspense from the moment you begin down the path of murder and romance.
Synopsis:
When billionaire Steven Ashton couldn’t stand his high society social life anymore, he left the stress of New York on a vacation for his soul. The need to meet real down to earth people lead him to a small Nebraska town he remembered visiting as a child. He didn’t want to lie about who he was, but he couldn’t exactly tell them the truth.
Emily could have easily fallen in love with Steven, under different circumstances, but her past was catching up with her and she needed a new life. If the authorities found out about her, she could lose the one thing that meant everything, her four year old son.
Not What She Seems is approximately 67,000 words long. (326 pages in paperback.)
This book is a "sweet" romantic suspense, appropriate for all ages.
Leave a comment below to be entered into the drawing.
Thanks for participating!
Vicki
I'm giving away three free Mobi (.prc) files of my book, Not What She Seems. This can be read on your Kindle. (You are not obligated to review it after you've read it.)
The only thing you have to do to enter, is post a comment on here! I'll throw all the names into a hat and draw one out tomorrow the 3rd of August. I'll do the drawing in the afternoon, and then announce the three winners. You have to use your name when you post, obviously. Then you send me your email address and I'll email you the book.
Not sure if you'd like my book? Here's the blurb:
Steven Ashton, a billionaire from New York, and Emily Grant, on the run from the law... and when they meet he can’t help falling for her. What he doesn’t know is that interfering in her life will put his own life in danger.
Not What She Seems holds you in suspense from the moment you begin down the path of murder and romance.
Synopsis:
When billionaire Steven Ashton couldn’t stand his high society social life anymore, he left the stress of New York on a vacation for his soul. The need to meet real down to earth people lead him to a small Nebraska town he remembered visiting as a child. He didn’t want to lie about who he was, but he couldn’t exactly tell them the truth.
Emily could have easily fallen in love with Steven, under different circumstances, but her past was catching up with her and she needed a new life. If the authorities found out about her, she could lose the one thing that meant everything, her four year old son.
Not What She Seems is approximately 67,000 words long. (326 pages in paperback.)
This book is a "sweet" romantic suspense, appropriate for all ages.
Leave a comment below to be entered into the drawing.
Thanks for participating!
Vicki
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Hook Victorine #10
Here's the first 400 words from Eland Dances, not yet published, by Philip van Wulven.
I have no cover art, since it's not yet published, so I'll just jump right on in.
Chapter 1 - Welcome to the Jungle -
I froze in the chair. There was a lion right there in the room, on the other side of the table.
Hmm, interesting beginning. It makes me wonder… what kind of room? A dining room, since there’s a table? I’ll keep reading to see.
Just what I’d been warned about, but hadn’t believed.
So unlikely, even in Africa. Here, in Heathrow, in a bar that smelt of stale beer, cigarettes, and damp socks, it was plain unbelievable.
Ah, a bar. This is interesting. I’d like to see the lion a little better, does he look like he’s going to strike?
I tried not to move. Maybe he’d ignore me.
No such luck. His shoulder muscles bunched and his eyes blazed red as he looked at me.
Perfect. This is just what I wanted. You’ve got me hooked. I want to know what he’s going to do now.
Avoid eye contact. Don’t challenge them. I looked down at my beer.
Since it’s just one lion, I’d say, “Don’t challenge him,” but that’s nit picky.
“I'm in charge at the loony bin, Pete. My cabbagepatch. Like when the loonies get the s***s I take care of things. Fix 'em up. They're always so friggin' grateful.”
I’m a bit confused. Who is speaking? And why are they speaking so casually with a lion in the room? Don’t they see the lion?
I looked up and saw just plain old Big Sid hunched forward over the formica table, pint in paw, with the light from the ‘DEPARTURES’ sign outside the bar reflected on his bottle-bottom thick specs.
Ah, I fell for it. There’s no lion… only Big Sid. Well, of course I’m relieved for the MC, but also disappointed. I was hoping for a tense lion charging moment.
His shoulder length blond straggle was backlit by light reflected off the mirror behind the counter, so just for a moment his silhouette, combined with his attitudes, had shown him as what Gran called a man possessed by a lion spirit.
He chugged beer, burped, and carried on. “The doctors think they know it all. Nobody else could do their job. Bloody power freaks don't want us to do medical stuff, even simple things. They keep it all complicated. Keep it all scientific and that. I mean, look at how they treat someone who's dehydrated. Simple, all they need is fluids in them.”
This is mildly interesting to me, the voice is good. I’m still not as hooked as I would have been if there were a real lion about to charge. But I do like the writing style. And of course, everything I say is just my personal opinion.
I looked down at my mug and tried to keep my face expressionless, but couldn't help thinking, ‘Power-freak yourself. Bloody predator. Everyone’s just prey, ego-food on the hoof to you.’ I wanted to say that, but I knew there was no way a guy like Sid, five years older and a foot taller, could let me score any points.
So I played along. “Go on then. Tell us, Sid. What's wrong with how they treat that, then?”
“They stick 'em in a bed, with needles and tubes and one of those drip things. Scientific. Now we all, us orderlies, we know that's not needed. Then too, we like to keep things cool, you know. There's stuff that's better kept quiet.”
“Now why would that be, in a nice place like the Hertfordshire Psych.?”
Hmm, now that part is interesting to me. What should be kept quiet? This implies that bad stuff is happening over there, and it would make me read more. Great! My only suggestion would be to move that part up. I’m not sure the whole lion fake out is needed to grasp someone’s attention. But you did hook me in the end!
I have no cover art, since it's not yet published, so I'll just jump right on in.
Chapter 1 - Welcome to the Jungle -
I froze in the chair. There was a lion right there in the room, on the other side of the table.
Hmm, interesting beginning. It makes me wonder… what kind of room? A dining room, since there’s a table? I’ll keep reading to see.
Just what I’d been warned about, but hadn’t believed.
So unlikely, even in Africa. Here, in Heathrow, in a bar that smelt of stale beer, cigarettes, and damp socks, it was plain unbelievable.
Ah, a bar. This is interesting. I’d like to see the lion a little better, does he look like he’s going to strike?
I tried not to move. Maybe he’d ignore me.
No such luck. His shoulder muscles bunched and his eyes blazed red as he looked at me.
Perfect. This is just what I wanted. You’ve got me hooked. I want to know what he’s going to do now.
Avoid eye contact. Don’t challenge them. I looked down at my beer.
Since it’s just one lion, I’d say, “Don’t challenge him,” but that’s nit picky.
“I'm in charge at the loony bin, Pete. My cabbagepatch. Like when the loonies get the s***s I take care of things. Fix 'em up. They're always so friggin' grateful.”
I’m a bit confused. Who is speaking? And why are they speaking so casually with a lion in the room? Don’t they see the lion?
I looked up and saw just plain old Big Sid hunched forward over the formica table, pint in paw, with the light from the ‘DEPARTURES’ sign outside the bar reflected on his bottle-bottom thick specs.
Ah, I fell for it. There’s no lion… only Big Sid. Well, of course I’m relieved for the MC, but also disappointed. I was hoping for a tense lion charging moment.
His shoulder length blond straggle was backlit by light reflected off the mirror behind the counter, so just for a moment his silhouette, combined with his attitudes, had shown him as what Gran called a man possessed by a lion spirit.
He chugged beer, burped, and carried on. “The doctors think they know it all. Nobody else could do their job. Bloody power freaks don't want us to do medical stuff, even simple things. They keep it all complicated. Keep it all scientific and that. I mean, look at how they treat someone who's dehydrated. Simple, all they need is fluids in them.”
This is mildly interesting to me, the voice is good. I’m still not as hooked as I would have been if there were a real lion about to charge. But I do like the writing style. And of course, everything I say is just my personal opinion.
I looked down at my mug and tried to keep my face expressionless, but couldn't help thinking, ‘Power-freak yourself. Bloody predator. Everyone’s just prey, ego-food on the hoof to you.’ I wanted to say that, but I knew there was no way a guy like Sid, five years older and a foot taller, could let me score any points.
So I played along. “Go on then. Tell us, Sid. What's wrong with how they treat that, then?”
“They stick 'em in a bed, with needles and tubes and one of those drip things. Scientific. Now we all, us orderlies, we know that's not needed. Then too, we like to keep things cool, you know. There's stuff that's better kept quiet.”
“Now why would that be, in a nice place like the Hertfordshire Psych.?”
Hmm, now that part is interesting to me. What should be kept quiet? This implies that bad stuff is happening over there, and it would make me read more. Great! My only suggestion would be to move that part up. I’m not sure the whole lion fake out is needed to grasp someone’s attention. But you did hook me in the end!
Monday, July 26, 2010
Hook Victorine #9
Here are the first 400 words of Child of the Mist (Gem of the Galaxy) by Kae Cheatham.
No more running away, the young woman thought as she jogged through the dense forest. Her quiet pace was matched by a young ocsoni with silky black hair springing several centimeters over its dense fur. This time I’m running to something. My destiny, perhaps.
I’m new to this story and this world, and I like how the author plops me into it here, instead of explaining what an ocsoni is. I would like a little more description of it, but I’m sure that will come. Right now I’ve got a jaguar image in my mind, with some kind of long hair on the head like a main or something.
I’m not in love with this thing a lot of authors do, and that’s starting off with this distanced POV. Since were in the young woman’s POV, just say her name instead of ‘the young woman’. That pulls me in closer, and I like to know whose head I’m in as I read.
Leaves of saplings cloaked her while she negotiated the path around house-sized trunks of mature trees; large leaves blocked light from the late afternoon sky, keeping the forest cool. She didn’t carry much: a small pot for water, a solbey plate to cook on, a warming net for cold nights, an extra pair of leggings and boots. For weapons: a sheathed knife—the blade as long as her forearm—and a whiprod she had taken off the guard she killed when she escaped one-hundred-and-thirty days ago. Running. Hiding. Stopping long enough to have that awful baby, and then…
Oh my, she had a baby and then what? Did she leave it somewhere? She called it awful, and that’s a bit disturbing to me. I know this is fiction, and no real baby is in danger. But it’s still disturbing to me, and it makes me not like the main character. I’ll keep reading, but with a frown on my face.
Continual anger churned through her. No more running. I’ve ruined their plans, and now I’ll attend the business I was born to. This her continual thought without a concept for success.
Personally, I’d rather be shown the anger here, instead of told that anger churned through her. She could clench her fists or her teeth, or narrow her eyes. Or we could gather the anger from the other things that she’s thinking.
“We must be close to the wall,” she quietly said to her furry companion. “I don’t know what I’ll do with you when I go inside, but…” She pushed back a tendril of poorly-cut hair. When her sable locks became more than a finger’s length, she hacked them off and muttered, “For you, mother.” The childish look this gave her totally belied her intense nature.
I like how the author describes her hair here. I’m wondering why she cut her hair for her mother though.
Her pup companion slowed, neck hairs up and nose testing the wind. She stopped, also sniffing the breeze. Nothing. Fear skittered along her slender limbs. Faucrin Rudeg’s henchmen could be waiting in ambush. She fingered the hilt of her knife while studying her surroundings. In the dense foliage and shoulder-high mushrooms sprouting between trees, the only sign was of a bush fox recently passed. “They can’t possibly know where I am,” she murmured to the pup as she stroked its head. She was certain the Xirophans wouldn’t relinquish her to her government. Many tribes had hidden her from the Rudegs. The last tribe had given her a map—told her about the way in.
Ah, a pup. So this is more like a dog creature. I like the descriptions here. Nice job.
The ocsoni, still tense, whined and strained to dash forward as she tied the pup’s shoulder harness to a thick sapling. She removed her pack and secured it out of his reach. “Stay, Ton,” she ordered. With whiprod fastened to her purple jerkin, she stealthily climbed fifty meters into the dense canopy and leapt from one tree to the next, barely ruffling the huge leaves.
I am interested in what she’s going to do here, but I still have a bad taste in my mouth from the woman talking about her baby in that way. I assume since she was in prison, she was mistreated and that’s why she is talking this way about her child. But a baby is innocent and shouldn’t be punished for whatever happened before it was born.
I think the descriptions flowed nicely, and the beginning had no boring back story, so I applaud the author for this. My one big concern is that the baby got left somewhere to die. And if I were to guess, that child would show up again somewhere later in the book... probably angry. Overall, the writing is fairly clean with only a few nit picks on my part. I think the author did a good job.
No more running away, the young woman thought as she jogged through the dense forest. Her quiet pace was matched by a young ocsoni with silky black hair springing several centimeters over its dense fur. This time I’m running to something. My destiny, perhaps.
I’m new to this story and this world, and I like how the author plops me into it here, instead of explaining what an ocsoni is. I would like a little more description of it, but I’m sure that will come. Right now I’ve got a jaguar image in my mind, with some kind of long hair on the head like a main or something.
I’m not in love with this thing a lot of authors do, and that’s starting off with this distanced POV. Since were in the young woman’s POV, just say her name instead of ‘the young woman’. That pulls me in closer, and I like to know whose head I’m in as I read.
Leaves of saplings cloaked her while she negotiated the path around house-sized trunks of mature trees; large leaves blocked light from the late afternoon sky, keeping the forest cool. She didn’t carry much: a small pot for water, a solbey plate to cook on, a warming net for cold nights, an extra pair of leggings and boots. For weapons: a sheathed knife—the blade as long as her forearm—and a whiprod she had taken off the guard she killed when she escaped one-hundred-and-thirty days ago. Running. Hiding. Stopping long enough to have that awful baby, and then…
Oh my, she had a baby and then what? Did she leave it somewhere? She called it awful, and that’s a bit disturbing to me. I know this is fiction, and no real baby is in danger. But it’s still disturbing to me, and it makes me not like the main character. I’ll keep reading, but with a frown on my face.
Continual anger churned through her. No more running. I’ve ruined their plans, and now I’ll attend the business I was born to. This her continual thought without a concept for success.
Personally, I’d rather be shown the anger here, instead of told that anger churned through her. She could clench her fists or her teeth, or narrow her eyes. Or we could gather the anger from the other things that she’s thinking.
“We must be close to the wall,” she quietly said to her furry companion. “I don’t know what I’ll do with you when I go inside, but…” She pushed back a tendril of poorly-cut hair. When her sable locks became more than a finger’s length, she hacked them off and muttered, “For you, mother.” The childish look this gave her totally belied her intense nature.
I like how the author describes her hair here. I’m wondering why she cut her hair for her mother though.
Her pup companion slowed, neck hairs up and nose testing the wind. She stopped, also sniffing the breeze. Nothing. Fear skittered along her slender limbs. Faucrin Rudeg’s henchmen could be waiting in ambush. She fingered the hilt of her knife while studying her surroundings. In the dense foliage and shoulder-high mushrooms sprouting between trees, the only sign was of a bush fox recently passed. “They can’t possibly know where I am,” she murmured to the pup as she stroked its head. She was certain the Xirophans wouldn’t relinquish her to her government. Many tribes had hidden her from the Rudegs. The last tribe had given her a map—told her about the way in.
Ah, a pup. So this is more like a dog creature. I like the descriptions here. Nice job.
The ocsoni, still tense, whined and strained to dash forward as she tied the pup’s shoulder harness to a thick sapling. She removed her pack and secured it out of his reach. “Stay, Ton,” she ordered. With whiprod fastened to her purple jerkin, she stealthily climbed fifty meters into the dense canopy and leapt from one tree to the next, barely ruffling the huge leaves.
I am interested in what she’s going to do here, but I still have a bad taste in my mouth from the woman talking about her baby in that way. I assume since she was in prison, she was mistreated and that’s why she is talking this way about her child. But a baby is innocent and shouldn’t be punished for whatever happened before it was born.
I think the descriptions flowed nicely, and the beginning had no boring back story, so I applaud the author for this. My one big concern is that the baby got left somewhere to die. And if I were to guess, that child would show up again somewhere later in the book... probably angry. Overall, the writing is fairly clean with only a few nit picks on my part. I think the author did a good job.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Hook Victorine #8
Here are the first 400 words from The Gazelle, by S. Wolf.
The final colors of the day were draining over the horizon, as the pair watched through the smattering of tiny sand fly corpses dotting the windshield.
I like the colorful language, but personally, I’m not a huge fan of the distanced POV. But that is just me.
Their conversation had been engaging since she had joined him in the car several hours ago, but when the evening sky blossomed into a fiery display of reds and oranges, they shared it in silence. Now, all that remained of the majestic show was a thin ribbon of fire that snaked its way behind the looming mountains.
Nice descriptions. I’m not very hooked yet... but I’ll keep reading.
Thomas glanced over at his lovely passenger, her obvious delight in the spectacle adding to his attraction towards her. Her being here, watching it with him, enhanced his own enjoyment. What made it especially poignant for him, was knowing that this would be the last sunset she would ever see.
Oh, here we add in some ominous feeling with that last sentence. Is he a killer? A vampire? This does make me want to read more.
I’m also glad we pulled out of the distanced POV to Thomas’s POV. Personally, I would rather just open in Thomas’s POV. He’s the more interesting character here anyway, and I don’t think it adds anything to create this narrated beginning, only to switch into Thomas’s mind in a few sentences. But I do tend to like starting in third person limited, so you can take this with a grain of salt.
One thing that I think would strengthen this would be to take out the ‘telling’ and change it to ‘showing’. I’ll give you an example. ‘Her obvious delight’ is telling us she is delighted. I’d rather see this. How does he know she’s delighted? Maybe her eyes light up and she’s smiling. Let the reader come to their own conclusion about her delight.
After the last colors faded to gray, Thomas said, “I'm getting some water, would you like another bottle?”
“Love some,” Kat replied, and then asked, “Don’t you have anything stronger?” She leaned forward and resumed her preoccupation with the car radio, which she had been fussing over since they had driven out of range of the San Antonio stations two hours ago.
I like her fussing with the radio. This tells me she’s kind of flighty like that. I can also see him coming up behind her with a pistol as she fiddling with the dial. *Evil grin*
“Nope, just water,” he replied as he reached between the seats to the cooler in the back. “Besides, you’re a bit under the drinking age anyway.”
“That’s cold Tommy,” she said as she rotated the tuning dial, the radio responding with varying levels of static. “I thought we were friends.”
I wonder if there’s a knife in the cooler.
“Nice try,” he grinned as he held the steering wheel in one hand and groped behind him into the cooler with the other. “But we're in the middle of the Texas desert, and the last thing I need is some redneck state trooper tossing me in jail for giving alcohol to a teenager.”
“Probably a smart choice,” she said, still focused on the radio, but then turned and looked at him with a grin, “Your cellmates would just love a pretty boy like you.” She pursed her lips and blew an exaggerated kiss in his direction.
“You got that right,” he said, returning the smile. He pulled his arm back, holding two bottles of Evian still dripping from the ice in the cooler. Taking a moment to examine them, he placed one in his cup holder, and handed her the other.
Awe, no knife. The thing keeping me going here is the one sentence about this being the last sun set she will ever see. I’ll keep reading to see what he meant by that. The rest wasn’t too interesting, but I can cope with the mundane stuck in with the eerie feeling that he’s going to chop her into little pieces at any minute. Nice job!
The final colors of the day were draining over the horizon, as the pair watched through the smattering of tiny sand fly corpses dotting the windshield.
I like the colorful language, but personally, I’m not a huge fan of the distanced POV. But that is just me.
Their conversation had been engaging since she had joined him in the car several hours ago, but when the evening sky blossomed into a fiery display of reds and oranges, they shared it in silence. Now, all that remained of the majestic show was a thin ribbon of fire that snaked its way behind the looming mountains.
Nice descriptions. I’m not very hooked yet... but I’ll keep reading.
Thomas glanced over at his lovely passenger, her obvious delight in the spectacle adding to his attraction towards her. Her being here, watching it with him, enhanced his own enjoyment. What made it especially poignant for him, was knowing that this would be the last sunset she would ever see.
Oh, here we add in some ominous feeling with that last sentence. Is he a killer? A vampire? This does make me want to read more.
I’m also glad we pulled out of the distanced POV to Thomas’s POV. Personally, I would rather just open in Thomas’s POV. He’s the more interesting character here anyway, and I don’t think it adds anything to create this narrated beginning, only to switch into Thomas’s mind in a few sentences. But I do tend to like starting in third person limited, so you can take this with a grain of salt.
One thing that I think would strengthen this would be to take out the ‘telling’ and change it to ‘showing’. I’ll give you an example. ‘Her obvious delight’ is telling us she is delighted. I’d rather see this. How does he know she’s delighted? Maybe her eyes light up and she’s smiling. Let the reader come to their own conclusion about her delight.
After the last colors faded to gray, Thomas said, “I'm getting some water, would you like another bottle?”
“Love some,” Kat replied, and then asked, “Don’t you have anything stronger?” She leaned forward and resumed her preoccupation with the car radio, which she had been fussing over since they had driven out of range of the San Antonio stations two hours ago.
I like her fussing with the radio. This tells me she’s kind of flighty like that. I can also see him coming up behind her with a pistol as she fiddling with the dial. *Evil grin*
“Nope, just water,” he replied as he reached between the seats to the cooler in the back. “Besides, you’re a bit under the drinking age anyway.”
“That’s cold Tommy,” she said as she rotated the tuning dial, the radio responding with varying levels of static. “I thought we were friends.”
I wonder if there’s a knife in the cooler.
“Nice try,” he grinned as he held the steering wheel in one hand and groped behind him into the cooler with the other. “But we're in the middle of the Texas desert, and the last thing I need is some redneck state trooper tossing me in jail for giving alcohol to a teenager.”
“Probably a smart choice,” she said, still focused on the radio, but then turned and looked at him with a grin, “Your cellmates would just love a pretty boy like you.” She pursed her lips and blew an exaggerated kiss in his direction.
“You got that right,” he said, returning the smile. He pulled his arm back, holding two bottles of Evian still dripping from the ice in the cooler. Taking a moment to examine them, he placed one in his cup holder, and handed her the other.
Awe, no knife. The thing keeping me going here is the one sentence about this being the last sun set she will ever see. I’ll keep reading to see what he meant by that. The rest wasn’t too interesting, but I can cope with the mundane stuck in with the eerie feeling that he’s going to chop her into little pieces at any minute. Nice job!
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Hook Victorine #7
Here is the first 400 words from Dead Forever: Awakening by William Campbell.
WE REMIND: Events depicted in this record occurred during the use of language systems other than English. In consideration of the reader, all representations of character thought and speech have been translated to the nearest English equivalent in use at the time of transcription.
Fun beginning! I do like how we jump right into this strange world with this simple notice. Nice way to get the reader’s attention.
One
Blackness, crashing, every touch is a searing impact. Extreme motion without purpose or destination—chaos. Up and down have become mere concepts in this nightmare of heat and confusion.
Interesting... I’m not sure what’s going on but I’m intrigued by this. As long as it’s not a dream. Please, don’t start your book with a dream. Waaaaay too many people do it. Literary agents blog about it all the time... don’t start with a dream or someone waking up. Alright, off my soapbox now.
A flickering glow bleeds from the void—flames.
I’m still confused by this, but it’s okay because I want to know more. If I don’t get grounded in a scene pretty quickly though, I’ll get bored and move on.
“Put it out,” a woman shouts.
Yes, thank you, I hope we’re going to get grounded in a scene now.
My skin is burning. Snapped alert by a blistering surface, I spring up only to tumble over and smack the floor. Or was it the ceiling? The two have traded places, and again, flipping end over end.
Boy this sure reads like a dream. I suspect it is. The funny thing is several of the previous authors confessed to me that their beginnings were dreams too. I don’t want to say that you’re totally sunk if you start with a dream, just be aware of what is out there. (And what is out there are a lot of books starting with dreams. A lot.)
From thick smoke, flames snap out like whips, steel panels glisten white-hot, creak and moan, melting conduits dangle and sway. The upending eases but the compartment is spiraling—we’re falling. A warm flow trickles down my forehead, into my eyes. I reach for my scalp and the wet mess leaves my fingertips bloody. Something hard and I became far more intimate than we should have.
Ha ha ha, funny. I actually have a line in my book that is quite similar to this last one. I guess great minds think alike.
Someone darts through the smoke. Then back again, and she stops to look at me.
“Put it out.”
Since the main character keeps mentioning heat, I’m assuming the “put it out” is about a fire. I’m getting glimpses of what is going on, and despite the fact that many books begin with dreams, I will admit this one is well written. The reader gets the feeling of a dream, and I can’t find any nit picky things about the writing.
She is strangely familiar. Rusty hair in a high ponytail, determined stare, her cheeks are heated rosy. A woman of such beauty she may be a goddess, casting a disapproving glare as if provoked and contemplating wrath if I don’t get up and . . . do what?
I like this description of her.
Dread strikes. Something bad is going to happen, and worse—it happens to her.
There’s a change in tense here that I might reword. I might say: Something bad is going to happen, and worse—it will happen to her.
“Hurry!” she cries.
The fire. I came here to put out a fire. An extinguisher is here somewhere. In a cabinet, but the door won’t budge. The hinges are melted, the handle is hot, now my palms are charred.
Failure obscures all fear. I don’t know which is worse—the fear, the failure, the dread—or knowing that I’m completely useless.
Towering flames rise at her back. She rushes to reach me, her arms outstretched. The goddess is drained of wrath, stricken by sorrow, streaming tears and hollow. Her hopeless stare won’t let go, yearning for a last embrace, and testament to our fate—there is no tomorrow.
Again, this is well written. I am interested in what will happen after the main character wakes up.
“We won’t survive,” she says. “Don’t get lost. Remember, I’ll find you. I’ll find you!”
I can’t tell if she’s mad here, and is saying she’ll find him to harm him, or if she is saying this out of love. I’m guessing she isn’t mad, but I can’t quite tell.
Rapt by her mesmerizing gaze, I am spellbound, the threat of incineration a distant concern. Her eyes—so clear, so light, so blue.
Tender blue eyes, that may never forgive me.
I’m wondering if this is a dream about the future, or the past. I admit I would read on, even though I’ll keep telling authors to not start with a dream. Not that you can’t get published with a book that opens with a dream. A very popular series opens with a dream in the second book. I was surprised by this. And I don’t want to say anything bad about the book because I did enjoy it. I’ve just seen dream openings so much that I tend to get put off by them.
Fun beginning! I do like how we jump right into this strange world with this simple notice. Nice way to get the reader’s attention.
One
Blackness, crashing, every touch is a searing impact. Extreme motion without purpose or destination—chaos. Up and down have become mere concepts in this nightmare of heat and confusion.
Interesting... I’m not sure what’s going on but I’m intrigued by this. As long as it’s not a dream. Please, don’t start your book with a dream. Waaaaay too many people do it. Literary agents blog about it all the time... don’t start with a dream or someone waking up. Alright, off my soapbox now.
A flickering glow bleeds from the void—flames.
I’m still confused by this, but it’s okay because I want to know more. If I don’t get grounded in a scene pretty quickly though, I’ll get bored and move on.
“Put it out,” a woman shouts.
Yes, thank you, I hope we’re going to get grounded in a scene now.
My skin is burning. Snapped alert by a blistering surface, I spring up only to tumble over and smack the floor. Or was it the ceiling? The two have traded places, and again, flipping end over end.
Boy this sure reads like a dream. I suspect it is. The funny thing is several of the previous authors confessed to me that their beginnings were dreams too. I don’t want to say that you’re totally sunk if you start with a dream, just be aware of what is out there. (And what is out there are a lot of books starting with dreams. A lot.)
From thick smoke, flames snap out like whips, steel panels glisten white-hot, creak and moan, melting conduits dangle and sway. The upending eases but the compartment is spiraling—we’re falling. A warm flow trickles down my forehead, into my eyes. I reach for my scalp and the wet mess leaves my fingertips bloody. Something hard and I became far more intimate than we should have.
Ha ha ha, funny. I actually have a line in my book that is quite similar to this last one. I guess great minds think alike.
Someone darts through the smoke. Then back again, and she stops to look at me.
“Put it out.”
Since the main character keeps mentioning heat, I’m assuming the “put it out” is about a fire. I’m getting glimpses of what is going on, and despite the fact that many books begin with dreams, I will admit this one is well written. The reader gets the feeling of a dream, and I can’t find any nit picky things about the writing.
She is strangely familiar. Rusty hair in a high ponytail, determined stare, her cheeks are heated rosy. A woman of such beauty she may be a goddess, casting a disapproving glare as if provoked and contemplating wrath if I don’t get up and . . . do what?
I like this description of her.
Dread strikes. Something bad is going to happen, and worse—it happens to her.
There’s a change in tense here that I might reword. I might say: Something bad is going to happen, and worse—it will happen to her.
“Hurry!” she cries.
The fire. I came here to put out a fire. An extinguisher is here somewhere. In a cabinet, but the door won’t budge. The hinges are melted, the handle is hot, now my palms are charred.
Failure obscures all fear. I don’t know which is worse—the fear, the failure, the dread—or knowing that I’m completely useless.
Towering flames rise at her back. She rushes to reach me, her arms outstretched. The goddess is drained of wrath, stricken by sorrow, streaming tears and hollow. Her hopeless stare won’t let go, yearning for a last embrace, and testament to our fate—there is no tomorrow.
Again, this is well written. I am interested in what will happen after the main character wakes up.
“We won’t survive,” she says. “Don’t get lost. Remember, I’ll find you. I’ll find you!”
I can’t tell if she’s mad here, and is saying she’ll find him to harm him, or if she is saying this out of love. I’m guessing she isn’t mad, but I can’t quite tell.
Rapt by her mesmerizing gaze, I am spellbound, the threat of incineration a distant concern. Her eyes—so clear, so light, so blue.
Tender blue eyes, that may never forgive me.
I’m wondering if this is a dream about the future, or the past. I admit I would read on, even though I’ll keep telling authors to not start with a dream. Not that you can’t get published with a book that opens with a dream. A very popular series opens with a dream in the second book. I was surprised by this. And I don’t want to say anything bad about the book because I did enjoy it. I’ve just seen dream openings so much that I tend to get put off by them.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Hook Victorine #6
Here's the first 400 words of Erich's Plea, by Tracey Alley.
Slade could feel the warmth of the rising sun on his face. The subtle scent of the sacred oak trees filled the air. All around him was the slow chanting of the druids who made this forest their home. Opening his eyes Slade saw his druidic mentor standing before him, a guide to this sunrise initiation ceremony. Karel’s wise, heavily lined face was hidden by the coarse linen cowl he wore but Slade could sense the gentle smile underneath the rhythmic chanting.
Good beginning here. I get a great feel for the setting and the genre. I like the descriptions, and feel like they’re not overwritten. It’s a slow start, but I don’t mind that too much as long as I get something to grab onto soon.
Karel had once been a mercenary soldier, selling his skill with a blade to the highest bidder. Then Karel had turned his back on his former profession and joined the ranks of those who served the gentle woodland goddess Freyita. After years of service he was now her high priest and Archdruid of the Sacred Grove.
I’m not a huge fan of back story in the first chapter. I’d rather gather some of this through dialogue or in small bits. I’ll keep reading though, we’re barely in, and I’m interested in the ceremony.
The other male and female members of the Grove, who represented virtually every race in The Kingdoms, formed a chanting circle around Slade and Karel as they welcomed Slade into their circle.
Ah, yes, back to the ceremony. Good.
Once the ritual was completed Slade would be presented with the druidic ring with its wide, silver band engraved with oak leaves and begin his new life.
This is just my opinion, but I’d rather read what is happening at the moment, than what will happen in a minute. So, if it were me writing this, I’d describe this as it happens.
Slade felt as though his heart would burst with pride. Joining the druids of the Sacred Grove had been his dream for more than a year. Finally he had succeeded and it was a triumph he had earned solely on his own merits, owing nothing to his birth.
“Owing nothing to his birth” sounds like maybe Slade is of royal birth, or of some importance. This is a good thing to stick in here. Just a hint, with not too much explanation.
From this day on Slade would renounce his former life. He would give up the right to continue the training he had begun with the warrior-monks of the Black Lotus and dedicate his life instead to serving Freyita. Slade’s decision involved more than just giving up an old profession. He had also given up his name and his birthright. No longer would he be known as Einreich Gudmundson. No longer would he be the Crown Prince of the vast northern kingdom of Vestland. He would no longer be Erich’s designated heir, in spite of his position as a second son, to the centuries old High Throne.
Slade knew he had disappointed his father, High King Erich, in his decision to leave court. Nevertheless his father had allowed it, would even have attended this ceremony had protocol allowed. Knowing he had hurt his father pained Slade deeply but he knew it was the right decision for him.
Well, we do get some explanation here... which I would love to come out later in the story. I’m just a huge fan of ‘hook me first, explain the whole background later’. As it stands right now, I’m curious to know more about Freyita and why he wants to serve her, but I wouldn’t call it a strong hook for me. I probably would keep reading for a little while, hoping that the action would take off.
Thanks so much for submitting your first 400!
Good beginning here. I get a great feel for the setting and the genre. I like the descriptions, and feel like they’re not overwritten. It’s a slow start, but I don’t mind that too much as long as I get something to grab onto soon.
Karel had once been a mercenary soldier, selling his skill with a blade to the highest bidder. Then Karel had turned his back on his former profession and joined the ranks of those who served the gentle woodland goddess Freyita. After years of service he was now her high priest and Archdruid of the Sacred Grove.
I’m not a huge fan of back story in the first chapter. I’d rather gather some of this through dialogue or in small bits. I’ll keep reading though, we’re barely in, and I’m interested in the ceremony.
The other male and female members of the Grove, who represented virtually every race in The Kingdoms, formed a chanting circle around Slade and Karel as they welcomed Slade into their circle.
Ah, yes, back to the ceremony. Good.
Once the ritual was completed Slade would be presented with the druidic ring with its wide, silver band engraved with oak leaves and begin his new life.
This is just my opinion, but I’d rather read what is happening at the moment, than what will happen in a minute. So, if it were me writing this, I’d describe this as it happens.
Slade felt as though his heart would burst with pride. Joining the druids of the Sacred Grove had been his dream for more than a year. Finally he had succeeded and it was a triumph he had earned solely on his own merits, owing nothing to his birth.
“Owing nothing to his birth” sounds like maybe Slade is of royal birth, or of some importance. This is a good thing to stick in here. Just a hint, with not too much explanation.
From this day on Slade would renounce his former life. He would give up the right to continue the training he had begun with the warrior-monks of the Black Lotus and dedicate his life instead to serving Freyita. Slade’s decision involved more than just giving up an old profession. He had also given up his name and his birthright. No longer would he be known as Einreich Gudmundson. No longer would he be the Crown Prince of the vast northern kingdom of Vestland. He would no longer be Erich’s designated heir, in spite of his position as a second son, to the centuries old High Throne.
Slade knew he had disappointed his father, High King Erich, in his decision to leave court. Nevertheless his father had allowed it, would even have attended this ceremony had protocol allowed. Knowing he had hurt his father pained Slade deeply but he knew it was the right decision for him.
Well, we do get some explanation here... which I would love to come out later in the story. I’m just a huge fan of ‘hook me first, explain the whole background later’. As it stands right now, I’m curious to know more about Freyita and why he wants to serve her, but I wouldn’t call it a strong hook for me. I probably would keep reading for a little while, hoping that the action would take off.
Thanks so much for submitting your first 400!
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Hook Victorine #5
Here's the first 400 words of Courtesan, by D. A. Boulter.
"They are going through your files."
Interesting first line. I’ve heard it said by some that you shouldn’t open your novel with dialogue unless it’s intriguing, and I think you’re successful with this one.
Jaswinder Saroya stared at the blank screen of the tele-vid and attempted to put a face to the distorted voice. Even as she heard the sharp click of disconnection, she realized it didn't matter. She moved. Before the tele-vid reset she had taken three steps towards the bedroom.
Wow, that name is a mouthful. I’m not sure I’m in love with it. I really like names that are easy for me to pronounce in my head. This one has a hard time rolling off my mind’s tongue. Is it Ja-swine-der? Or Jaz-wind-er? Sa-roy-a? Or Sar-oh-ya? I’m not sure, and that does annoy me a little bit. But I know a lot of readers who love creative names, so it could just be me.
I like the distorted voice, and the tele-vid. This gives me a good idea of the setting and we jump right into it, instead of giving me long back story about where and when we are. Great job with that.
Harold Preston, no doubt.
Oh, so she knows who the voice belonged to? I thought it didn’t matter. If she knows the voice, I would mention this sooner, and cut the parts about not being able to put a face to the voice, and it not mattering. If she just realizes who this might be, then I would take out the “no doubt” part. Because if there’s no doubt, she would have known it before now.
He had warned her, and that warning had prompted her precautions. She pulled the ready-case from her closet, opened it for a quick last check, then reverently placed the disks containing her notes and research into a hidden compartment. She gave her portable computer a wistful glance. It belonged to Plender University and she couldn't justify taking it.
Tele-vid makes me think of the future, but the word ‘disks’ makes me think of the past. I’m probably off here, but I might call them Data Units or Data Sticks... or something more futuristic sounding. But that’s my only nit pick. The adverb isn’t horrible, so I’ll leave it alone.
"They are going through your files."
Is she hearing this again out loud? Or thinking about it? Because if she’s thinking it, I would put it in italics instead of quote marks.
She shuddered as she closed the case. Preston's impromptu lecture spelled out the possibilities: people from the university; government agents; colonists (either side), or the Interplanetary Corporations.
Fear pushed down the annoyance at the arrogance implied by the invasion of her privacy at Plender University, pushed down the anger at the realization that her home would be next. She wanted to meet these unknown intruders and give them a blast they'd never forget. Instead, Jaswinder grabbed her overcoat and ensured her long black tresses stayed inside. Looking around her bedroom, she sighed. The rooms had served as a warm and comfortable refuge, as opposed to the sterile officiousness of her university office. She caught her gaze in the mirror and it surprised her to find no trace of the fear she felt. She laughed harshly.
I’m interested to know who is looking through her files... but for me this lacks some sense of danger that I feel it should have. As of now, I don’t know what is in those files, and I don’t have a sense of why she would have to pack and leave. I’m sure there’s a good reason, and I’d love a little peek at it, just to whet my appetite.
The call had not come unexpected. And, expecting it, she had prepared as thoroughly as she had prepared any of her experiments. A few days earlier might have caught her unready, but today she just flowed from step to step.
To me, this is an unnecessary explanation. If she’s packing and leaving, and she already mentioned the warnings, I can assume she has planned for this. But I’m kind of a “skip the unnecessary parts and get to the good stuff” kind of person.
At the door, she turned and gave the room one last look. She would miss the neatly made bed with its perfect pillows, which had taken an eternity to find. Hopefully it wouldn't be for long. She would miss the stuffed tiger, sitting in its place on the night table, a gift from an old friend. She would miss it, but someone might remember and tell. When the fuss had blown over she would return, or send, for it.
This part doesn’t help build the tension, in my opinion. I’d rather learn a little more about the danger she is in. I don’t know her very well yet, so I’m not emotionally involved. The fact that she’s leaving her stuffed tiger doesn’t mean much to me right now.
As she hurried into the kitchen it came to her that rivals, recognizing the possibilities inherent in her research, might also break into her files.
Ah, I have a feeling we are now getting to some of what I wanted to know. I would read on and see if I get a peek at what it is she’s trying to protect. And what the danger is if the files get into the wrong hands. Nice start, and I would say that I am hooked for now. If I go on and read, and don’t get more danger, I might put the book down. But for now, you got me!
"They are going through your files."
Interesting first line. I’ve heard it said by some that you shouldn’t open your novel with dialogue unless it’s intriguing, and I think you’re successful with this one.
Jaswinder Saroya stared at the blank screen of the tele-vid and attempted to put a face to the distorted voice. Even as she heard the sharp click of disconnection, she realized it didn't matter. She moved. Before the tele-vid reset she had taken three steps towards the bedroom.
Wow, that name is a mouthful. I’m not sure I’m in love with it. I really like names that are easy for me to pronounce in my head. This one has a hard time rolling off my mind’s tongue. Is it Ja-swine-der? Or Jaz-wind-er? Sa-roy-a? Or Sar-oh-ya? I’m not sure, and that does annoy me a little bit. But I know a lot of readers who love creative names, so it could just be me.
I like the distorted voice, and the tele-vid. This gives me a good idea of the setting and we jump right into it, instead of giving me long back story about where and when we are. Great job with that.
Harold Preston, no doubt.
Oh, so she knows who the voice belonged to? I thought it didn’t matter. If she knows the voice, I would mention this sooner, and cut the parts about not being able to put a face to the voice, and it not mattering. If she just realizes who this might be, then I would take out the “no doubt” part. Because if there’s no doubt, she would have known it before now.
He had warned her, and that warning had prompted her precautions. She pulled the ready-case from her closet, opened it for a quick last check, then reverently placed the disks containing her notes and research into a hidden compartment. She gave her portable computer a wistful glance. It belonged to Plender University and she couldn't justify taking it.
Tele-vid makes me think of the future, but the word ‘disks’ makes me think of the past. I’m probably off here, but I might call them Data Units or Data Sticks... or something more futuristic sounding. But that’s my only nit pick. The adverb isn’t horrible, so I’ll leave it alone.
"They are going through your files."
Is she hearing this again out loud? Or thinking about it? Because if she’s thinking it, I would put it in italics instead of quote marks.
She shuddered as she closed the case. Preston's impromptu lecture spelled out the possibilities: people from the university; government agents; colonists (either side), or the Interplanetary Corporations.
Fear pushed down the annoyance at the arrogance implied by the invasion of her privacy at Plender University, pushed down the anger at the realization that her home would be next. She wanted to meet these unknown intruders and give them a blast they'd never forget. Instead, Jaswinder grabbed her overcoat and ensured her long black tresses stayed inside. Looking around her bedroom, she sighed. The rooms had served as a warm and comfortable refuge, as opposed to the sterile officiousness of her university office. She caught her gaze in the mirror and it surprised her to find no trace of the fear she felt. She laughed harshly.
I’m interested to know who is looking through her files... but for me this lacks some sense of danger that I feel it should have. As of now, I don’t know what is in those files, and I don’t have a sense of why she would have to pack and leave. I’m sure there’s a good reason, and I’d love a little peek at it, just to whet my appetite.
The call had not come unexpected. And, expecting it, she had prepared as thoroughly as she had prepared any of her experiments. A few days earlier might have caught her unready, but today she just flowed from step to step.
To me, this is an unnecessary explanation. If she’s packing and leaving, and she already mentioned the warnings, I can assume she has planned for this. But I’m kind of a “skip the unnecessary parts and get to the good stuff” kind of person.
At the door, she turned and gave the room one last look. She would miss the neatly made bed with its perfect pillows, which had taken an eternity to find. Hopefully it wouldn't be for long. She would miss the stuffed tiger, sitting in its place on the night table, a gift from an old friend. She would miss it, but someone might remember and tell. When the fuss had blown over she would return, or send, for it.
This part doesn’t help build the tension, in my opinion. I’d rather learn a little more about the danger she is in. I don’t know her very well yet, so I’m not emotionally involved. The fact that she’s leaving her stuffed tiger doesn’t mean much to me right now.
As she hurried into the kitchen it came to her that rivals, recognizing the possibilities inherent in her research, might also break into her files.
Ah, I have a feeling we are now getting to some of what I wanted to know. I would read on and see if I get a peek at what it is she’s trying to protect. And what the danger is if the files get into the wrong hands. Nice start, and I would say that I am hooked for now. If I go on and read, and don’t get more danger, I might put the book down. But for now, you got me!
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Hook Victorine #4
Here's the first 400 words from Cameo the Assassin (Book One), by Dawn McCullough-White.
Her eyes were wide, nearly sightless orbs staring into the sky.
Nice first sentence. If I were to get nit picky (which I always do) I would say to take out the ‘were’ to make the sentence more active. The adverb isn’t the worst in the world, so I won’t pick at it. I like the feeling this brings right here at the beginning. If she’s nearly sightless, something must be wrong. I’ll read on to see what else is happening.
She watched as the clouds drifted overhead, gasping.
This reads to me like the clouds are gasping. I know that’s not what the author meant, but I would suggest a reword. I also would take out the “She watched as”, because if she’s staring at the sky, obviously she’s watching it. It kind of repeats what the previous sentence already set up. However, the imagery is powerful, and makes me wonder what happened to this woman, that she’s staring and gasping.
She could hear her own blood bubbling at the corner of her mouth as it slithered out and slipped in a gob onto her neck.
Oh, she’s bleeding. She must be on her back or something. I might mention this. She also can’t hear her blood slip in a gob onto her neck, and it sort of reads like she does. I might say she feels it. Otherwise, good chilling picture this sets up. I want to read more.
For a moment she felt nothing, her eyes went dark, and she felt herself suck in the air once more.
Her vision probably went dark, instead of her eyes going dark. But again, this is a good image here. I want to read on to see what happens.
Never had simply breathing given her such happiness, at least, not as far back as she could remember. Maybe this is exactly how she felt with the very first breath of her life.
I like how Dawn compares death with birth here.
At her throat was the dead head of Adrian, his blonde hair was tousled gently about her.
I would try to get rid of both ‘was’ verbs, I just think it might read better. I might say “At her throat sat the severed head of Adrian, his blonde hair tousled gently about her.” I changed ‘dead’ to ‘severed’, because I liked the image better, but it might not be accurate. I figured the head was severed, but I’m not positive.
It was the first gentle thing he had done with her all day.
The first gentle thing was to die, and lie on her throat? Interesting. This makes me think he’s a kidnapper or an abusive boyfriend.
His blood was mingled with hers now, predator and prey, dead and dying lying in the beauty of the summer meadow.
Again, I’d take out ‘was’ here. It would read fine, in my opinion, to say, “His blood mingled with hers now...” Ah, and here we find out he was the predator. I wonder what happened to lead up to this.
Somewhere beside her lay sandwiches and colorful plates. Ivy had wanted pretty plates and had made certain that the silver was polished very well.
This makes me think they were having a picnic, and things got out of hand... as often happens at my picnics.
The last she had seen of her little sister had been her lifeless form, knocked hard into the Faettan soil.
This must be a fantasy novel. This beginning is quite sad and bloody. And violent. I’m usually a huge fan of action, but too much gore grosses me out. I’m saddened by her little sister, and I’m wondering if she’s still alive.
She was a few feet away now, a little body lost in the sea of tall grass ... like her own ... and like that of the young lord with his head still on her breast.
The sun was warm on her face, illuminating exactly what had taken place only a little while ago, showing all of Faetta true darkness in the brilliant light of day. Somewhere, drifting in on the summer's breeze, was the sound of people passing on the ridge, chatting about their lives as she was dying just down the hill, in the meadow.
Again, I’d try to reword some of the ‘was’ verbs in here. It’s just a weak verb. You can’t cut every one, nor should you, but sometimes it’s easy to substitute a better verb.
Her eyes were fixed; the transformation of the day into dusk was recorded behind those lenses. Her body rigidly awaited death.
Ack, this is a little disturbing. But I would keep reading, so I think the author successfully hooked me. If the character here dies, I would get disappointed and probably put the book down. Unless this is a ghost story, then I would read more. I’m hoping for a rescue though, for her and her sister. One thing I might suggest to the author, since this is in the woman’s POV, we probably should know her name. All in all, I would keep reading, so I’d say great job, Dawn!
Nice first sentence. If I were to get nit picky (which I always do) I would say to take out the ‘were’ to make the sentence more active. The adverb isn’t the worst in the world, so I won’t pick at it. I like the feeling this brings right here at the beginning. If she’s nearly sightless, something must be wrong. I’ll read on to see what else is happening.
She watched as the clouds drifted overhead, gasping.
This reads to me like the clouds are gasping. I know that’s not what the author meant, but I would suggest a reword. I also would take out the “She watched as”, because if she’s staring at the sky, obviously she’s watching it. It kind of repeats what the previous sentence already set up. However, the imagery is powerful, and makes me wonder what happened to this woman, that she’s staring and gasping.
She could hear her own blood bubbling at the corner of her mouth as it slithered out and slipped in a gob onto her neck.
Oh, she’s bleeding. She must be on her back or something. I might mention this. She also can’t hear her blood slip in a gob onto her neck, and it sort of reads like she does. I might say she feels it. Otherwise, good chilling picture this sets up. I want to read more.
For a moment she felt nothing, her eyes went dark, and she felt herself suck in the air once more.
Her vision probably went dark, instead of her eyes going dark. But again, this is a good image here. I want to read on to see what happens.
Never had simply breathing given her such happiness, at least, not as far back as she could remember. Maybe this is exactly how she felt with the very first breath of her life.
I like how Dawn compares death with birth here.
At her throat was the dead head of Adrian, his blonde hair was tousled gently about her.
I would try to get rid of both ‘was’ verbs, I just think it might read better. I might say “At her throat sat the severed head of Adrian, his blonde hair tousled gently about her.” I changed ‘dead’ to ‘severed’, because I liked the image better, but it might not be accurate. I figured the head was severed, but I’m not positive.
It was the first gentle thing he had done with her all day.
The first gentle thing was to die, and lie on her throat? Interesting. This makes me think he’s a kidnapper or an abusive boyfriend.
His blood was mingled with hers now, predator and prey, dead and dying lying in the beauty of the summer meadow.
Again, I’d take out ‘was’ here. It would read fine, in my opinion, to say, “His blood mingled with hers now...” Ah, and here we find out he was the predator. I wonder what happened to lead up to this.
Somewhere beside her lay sandwiches and colorful plates. Ivy had wanted pretty plates and had made certain that the silver was polished very well.
This makes me think they were having a picnic, and things got out of hand... as often happens at my picnics.
The last she had seen of her little sister had been her lifeless form, knocked hard into the Faettan soil.
This must be a fantasy novel. This beginning is quite sad and bloody. And violent. I’m usually a huge fan of action, but too much gore grosses me out. I’m saddened by her little sister, and I’m wondering if she’s still alive.
She was a few feet away now, a little body lost in the sea of tall grass ... like her own ... and like that of the young lord with his head still on her breast.
The sun was warm on her face, illuminating exactly what had taken place only a little while ago, showing all of Faetta true darkness in the brilliant light of day. Somewhere, drifting in on the summer's breeze, was the sound of people passing on the ridge, chatting about their lives as she was dying just down the hill, in the meadow.
Again, I’d try to reword some of the ‘was’ verbs in here. It’s just a weak verb. You can’t cut every one, nor should you, but sometimes it’s easy to substitute a better verb.
Her eyes were fixed; the transformation of the day into dusk was recorded behind those lenses. Her body rigidly awaited death.
Ack, this is a little disturbing. But I would keep reading, so I think the author successfully hooked me. If the character here dies, I would get disappointed and probably put the book down. Unless this is a ghost story, then I would read more. I’m hoping for a rescue though, for her and her sister. One thing I might suggest to the author, since this is in the woman’s POV, we probably should know her name. All in all, I would keep reading, so I’d say great job, Dawn!
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Hook Victorine #3
This is the first 400 words of Thrill of the Chase, by Christina Crooks.
Powering up through the gears, Sarah felt all the muscles in her body tighten with readiness and excitement before the two turns.
I like this beginning. I only have two nit picks. (And I’m famous for nit picking, so just ignore me.) The first nit pick is the word ‘felt’. Since we’re in her POV, we don’t really have to know she felt her muscles tighten... if her muscles are tightening, we know she’s feeling it. So, if I were to reword, I’d say, “Powering up through the gears, all the muscles in Sarah’s body tightened…”
Now the second nit pick is there is just a little bit of ‘telling’ in here. Now the best case would be for us as readers to be able to figure out she’s excited by her muscles tightening. I *think* we could figure this out, so I would try to get rid of the telling part, and just say “Powering up through the gears, all the muscles in Sarah’s body tightened before the two turns.” This shows excitement and readiness, so we don’t need to be told that. But, like I said, super nit picky and this is just the first sentence so I’ll go on to read more.
She gripped her Mustang’s custom wood-lacquered shift knob with one hand, the thick steering wheel with the other. Though the late-morning traffic was light, she checked her side mirrors twice and carefully scanned from left to right through her windshield, alert for any movement. There were no cars nearby. And, of course, no pedestrians. Nobody walked in Huntington Beach’s industrial-zoned “automotive alley.”
Ah, so I thought she was racing. Nice fake out. If you wanted to continue with it a little more, I’d like it even better.
My only other nit pick would by the adverb. “Carefully scanned” is redundant, in my opinion. If you say, “…she checked her side mirrors twice and scanned from left to right…” I as the reader can tell she’s scanning carefully for any movement. Do you ever scan for movement sloppily? No. But that’s really nit picky, so I’ll keep reading. I try not to be too much of an Adverb Nazi. I’m interested to see where this is going.
Jerking the steering wheel to the right then pulling it smoothly left, simultaneously heel-toeing the clutch and brake pedals with the edge of her running shoe, she felt her car’s tires break free from the pavement’s friction. The car slid sideways.
Now here I do get the impression that she’s racing again.
Maintaining the throttle pressure to keep her wheels spinning, she steered into the same direction she slid. She spotted the large, faded red letters of Big Red’s Auto Performance Shop’s sign out of the corner of her eye.
So, she’s racing to the Auto Performance shop? Maybe she’s late for work.
Right on target.
The four-wheel drift positioned her to race up the exact middle of the entrance to the shop’s parking lot.
With a satisfying screech of tires, she floored the gas to gather more speed, then whipped her car into the second and final turn.
Another four-wheel drift, pressing her back into the firm, curved racing seats she’d installed. She grinned as she piloted the sideways-hurtling car with an instinctive touch, lifting off the gas pedal and feathering the brakes to bleed off her speed.
The yellow Mustang slid to a halt. It was positioned perfectly in the middle of her parking space.
I liked the racing feeling of this. My only suggestion would be to take out the indicators that she’s not really in a race, until we get to this point. Then it would be a better fake out, in my opinion. But good nonetheless. We do get a nice grasp on the feeling of the book with this opening.
“Yes!” Energized, she leapt out of the car. Another day’s commute concluded.
I’d take out the word ‘energized’ here, just because we can totally tell from her dialogue and actions that she’s energized, and it’s important to cut unnecessary words. It tightens up the writing.
Now let me talk about the hook here. I like the feeling the author has created with the race talk, but now that she’s at work, the little bit of excitement is over. Now I’m looking for something else to hook me.
Sarah pushed the building’s tinted front door open, humming. She jogged through the shop’s retail area, neither seeing nor expecting to see anyone manning the front desk.
The jogging is a little strange to me. Usually people don’t jog around the work place. But I can get past that. I’m being terribly hard on the author.
Matt was probably in the back again, complaining to the technicians. He pretended to be a gearhead, but she knew they saw through it. What he should be doing was unpacking and stocking those magazine shipments she saw lining the front wall in boxes, or cleaning the grimy glass display case. He should be sitting on that padded stool answering the ringing phone. Her dad hadn’t hired him to hang out.
Matt must not be Sarah’s love interest. (Yes, I’ve read the description of this book.)
She shrugged. Matt didn’t know a 9/16th from a hole in the ground, but he wasn’t her main problem.
Hmm, now we get somewhere. Who is her main problem? I’m guessing it’s her love interest. I do like a good unrequited love story, so I would probably go on to read more and see where this goes. But if her main problem turns out to be someone else, I might lose interest. So, for me, this is a mild hook right here at the end. If we get to see some conflict between her and her crush, I would be hooked even more. Great job, Christina!
Powering up through the gears, Sarah felt all the muscles in her body tighten with readiness and excitement before the two turns.
I like this beginning. I only have two nit picks. (And I’m famous for nit picking, so just ignore me.) The first nit pick is the word ‘felt’. Since we’re in her POV, we don’t really have to know she felt her muscles tighten... if her muscles are tightening, we know she’s feeling it. So, if I were to reword, I’d say, “Powering up through the gears, all the muscles in Sarah’s body tightened…”
Now the second nit pick is there is just a little bit of ‘telling’ in here. Now the best case would be for us as readers to be able to figure out she’s excited by her muscles tightening. I *think* we could figure this out, so I would try to get rid of the telling part, and just say “Powering up through the gears, all the muscles in Sarah’s body tightened before the two turns.” This shows excitement and readiness, so we don’t need to be told that. But, like I said, super nit picky and this is just the first sentence so I’ll go on to read more.
She gripped her Mustang’s custom wood-lacquered shift knob with one hand, the thick steering wheel with the other. Though the late-morning traffic was light, she checked her side mirrors twice and carefully scanned from left to right through her windshield, alert for any movement. There were no cars nearby. And, of course, no pedestrians. Nobody walked in Huntington Beach’s industrial-zoned “automotive alley.”
Ah, so I thought she was racing. Nice fake out. If you wanted to continue with it a little more, I’d like it even better.
My only other nit pick would by the adverb. “Carefully scanned” is redundant, in my opinion. If you say, “…she checked her side mirrors twice and scanned from left to right…” I as the reader can tell she’s scanning carefully for any movement. Do you ever scan for movement sloppily? No. But that’s really nit picky, so I’ll keep reading. I try not to be too much of an Adverb Nazi. I’m interested to see where this is going.
Jerking the steering wheel to the right then pulling it smoothly left, simultaneously heel-toeing the clutch and brake pedals with the edge of her running shoe, she felt her car’s tires break free from the pavement’s friction. The car slid sideways.
Now here I do get the impression that she’s racing again.
Maintaining the throttle pressure to keep her wheels spinning, she steered into the same direction she slid. She spotted the large, faded red letters of Big Red’s Auto Performance Shop’s sign out of the corner of her eye.
So, she’s racing to the Auto Performance shop? Maybe she’s late for work.
Right on target.
The four-wheel drift positioned her to race up the exact middle of the entrance to the shop’s parking lot.
With a satisfying screech of tires, she floored the gas to gather more speed, then whipped her car into the second and final turn.
Another four-wheel drift, pressing her back into the firm, curved racing seats she’d installed. She grinned as she piloted the sideways-hurtling car with an instinctive touch, lifting off the gas pedal and feathering the brakes to bleed off her speed.
The yellow Mustang slid to a halt. It was positioned perfectly in the middle of her parking space.
I liked the racing feeling of this. My only suggestion would be to take out the indicators that she’s not really in a race, until we get to this point. Then it would be a better fake out, in my opinion. But good nonetheless. We do get a nice grasp on the feeling of the book with this opening.
“Yes!” Energized, she leapt out of the car. Another day’s commute concluded.
I’d take out the word ‘energized’ here, just because we can totally tell from her dialogue and actions that she’s energized, and it’s important to cut unnecessary words. It tightens up the writing.
Now let me talk about the hook here. I like the feeling the author has created with the race talk, but now that she’s at work, the little bit of excitement is over. Now I’m looking for something else to hook me.
Sarah pushed the building’s tinted front door open, humming. She jogged through the shop’s retail area, neither seeing nor expecting to see anyone manning the front desk.
The jogging is a little strange to me. Usually people don’t jog around the work place. But I can get past that. I’m being terribly hard on the author.
Matt was probably in the back again, complaining to the technicians. He pretended to be a gearhead, but she knew they saw through it. What he should be doing was unpacking and stocking those magazine shipments she saw lining the front wall in boxes, or cleaning the grimy glass display case. He should be sitting on that padded stool answering the ringing phone. Her dad hadn’t hired him to hang out.
Matt must not be Sarah’s love interest. (Yes, I’ve read the description of this book.)
She shrugged. Matt didn’t know a 9/16th from a hole in the ground, but he wasn’t her main problem.
Hmm, now we get somewhere. Who is her main problem? I’m guessing it’s her love interest. I do like a good unrequited love story, so I would probably go on to read more and see where this goes. But if her main problem turns out to be someone else, I might lose interest. So, for me, this is a mild hook right here at the end. If we get to see some conflict between her and her crush, I would be hooked even more. Great job, Christina!
Friday, July 2, 2010
Hook Victorine #2
Here's the next installment of Hook Victorine. This is the first 400 words from New Coastal Times, by Donna Callea.
Same drill. I'll critique as I go, inturrupting when I feel like it. At the end I'll tell you if I was hooked.
It wasn’t Yvette Carlyle’s fault that the beach washed away and the condos and hotels collapsed into the sea.
I like this beginning sentence. I want to know what she did, and why she’s being blamed for this. You know, “It wasn’t her fault the earth blew up. She didn’t mean to push that button.” It almost has a humorous ring to me; although I’m not sure the author meant it that way.
She’s only one person, after all. And you certainly can’t hold her responsible for all the people who died when the buildings toppled, or all the struggling hordes rendered homeless and dependent, or the total human and fiscal fiasco that’s been at least as bad as (if not worse than) the recent string of other really horrible natural disasters.
Now here we lose the humor, and I’m getting a little disappointed. Maybe I just took the first sentence wrong. I’ll clear the humor out of my head so I can get into the horror of the story. I think Donna has successfully painted a picture of disaster here. My only nit pick would be the words ‘really horrible natural disasters’. The word ‘really’ is a weak word, it doesn’t describe the horror, it weakens it for me. I’m intrigued by this picture of disaster. I’d say it is a mild hook for me.
Not to downplay them. I wouldn’t want to downplay them.
The climate is changing, and not for the better. Everyone knows that now, though maybe Yvette didn’t then. Or maybe she just didn’t think much about it then. And every major catastrophe is —well—catastrophic.
To me, this doesn’t add a whole lot to the story, so I’m starting to get a little bored. I’m still wondering why they’re blaming Yvette for the destruction, even though it wasn’t her fault. I’ll read on to see if it’s dealt with.
But from a purely local and personal perspective, Hurricane Walter really was the worst. Because it happened where we were. Because it seemed to be the beginning of the end for so many— the start of everything falling apart. Because some of the devastation really could have been prevented. By Yvette, had she known. Maybe, a little bit, by me.
Hmm, I’m wondering how anyone could say Yvette might have prevented some of the devastation. What in the world did she do?
Anyway, Yvette is as sorry now as anyone. And you really can’t blame her for everything. Not for the hurricane, obviously. Plus you’ve got to give her this. She’s got spunk.
When we were all holed up on the fourth floor of the old and creaking New Coastal Times building, in the dark and powerless newsroom, as the wind lashed at the windows and the foundation shook, didn’t she come out of her plush private office to give us hope?
The author is doing a good job of making me not like Yvette here. I’m not as drawn into the story as I would like to be, though. I think I’m distanced from it by the narration, and the ‘looking back’ perspective, rather than ‘here we are in the moment... huddling in the dark while the storm is hitting us’ kind of thing. But this is quite subjective, and could just be me. Well, of course it’s just me, everything I say is just me. ;)
Tall, big-boned Yvette, her blonde pixie-cut trimmed to perfection, her eye shadow and mascara and glossy red lipstick as garish as ever, her smile superior, her crow’s feet caked with makeup.
Yep, not liking Yvette at all.
She was never pretty. That was the problem. Or at least one of them, as far as her career was concerned. And despite extensive cosmetic surgery (she was due to have her eyes redone when the hurricane hit) she looked all of her 57 years.
She considered herself a beacon of bravery— an inspiration to us. She could easily have been elsewhere.
Yvette emerged from her recently remodeled fourth floor executive sanctuary, where at least there was light (which we could see under the door), followed by Patty and Paula, her ever-present identical twin administrative assistants.
I wonder why there’s electricity in her office and no where else. That has to be unusual. Looks like we’re pulling in closer now, the narration isn’t so distanced. I do prefer that.
Patty and Paula— helmet-haired petite brunettes who never dressed alike because that might cause confusion— carried battery-powered lanterns …
Awe, I wanted to read more. That’s a good thing! I’d say you were successful in hooking me. Great job! My only nit pick would be how long I felt distanced from the scene. I liked the beginning sentence... and I liked the hint that the narrator is somehow to blame for some of this. The rest of the narration I could have done without. But I’m really an action lover, so I do tend to gravitate to the action part of the story. As far as the writing goes, I think this was well written. In the end, I was hooked and wanted to read more, and that’s what matters most.
Same drill. I'll critique as I go, inturrupting when I feel like it. At the end I'll tell you if I was hooked.
It wasn’t Yvette Carlyle’s fault that the beach washed away and the condos and hotels collapsed into the sea.
I like this beginning sentence. I want to know what she did, and why she’s being blamed for this. You know, “It wasn’t her fault the earth blew up. She didn’t mean to push that button.” It almost has a humorous ring to me; although I’m not sure the author meant it that way.
She’s only one person, after all. And you certainly can’t hold her responsible for all the people who died when the buildings toppled, or all the struggling hordes rendered homeless and dependent, or the total human and fiscal fiasco that’s been at least as bad as (if not worse than) the recent string of other really horrible natural disasters.
Now here we lose the humor, and I’m getting a little disappointed. Maybe I just took the first sentence wrong. I’ll clear the humor out of my head so I can get into the horror of the story. I think Donna has successfully painted a picture of disaster here. My only nit pick would be the words ‘really horrible natural disasters’. The word ‘really’ is a weak word, it doesn’t describe the horror, it weakens it for me. I’m intrigued by this picture of disaster. I’d say it is a mild hook for me.
Not to downplay them. I wouldn’t want to downplay them.
The climate is changing, and not for the better. Everyone knows that now, though maybe Yvette didn’t then. Or maybe she just didn’t think much about it then. And every major catastrophe is —well—catastrophic.
To me, this doesn’t add a whole lot to the story, so I’m starting to get a little bored. I’m still wondering why they’re blaming Yvette for the destruction, even though it wasn’t her fault. I’ll read on to see if it’s dealt with.
But from a purely local and personal perspective, Hurricane Walter really was the worst. Because it happened where we were. Because it seemed to be the beginning of the end for so many— the start of everything falling apart. Because some of the devastation really could have been prevented. By Yvette, had she known. Maybe, a little bit, by me.
Hmm, I’m wondering how anyone could say Yvette might have prevented some of the devastation. What in the world did she do?
Anyway, Yvette is as sorry now as anyone. And you really can’t blame her for everything. Not for the hurricane, obviously. Plus you’ve got to give her this. She’s got spunk.
When we were all holed up on the fourth floor of the old and creaking New Coastal Times building, in the dark and powerless newsroom, as the wind lashed at the windows and the foundation shook, didn’t she come out of her plush private office to give us hope?
The author is doing a good job of making me not like Yvette here. I’m not as drawn into the story as I would like to be, though. I think I’m distanced from it by the narration, and the ‘looking back’ perspective, rather than ‘here we are in the moment... huddling in the dark while the storm is hitting us’ kind of thing. But this is quite subjective, and could just be me. Well, of course it’s just me, everything I say is just me. ;)
Tall, big-boned Yvette, her blonde pixie-cut trimmed to perfection, her eye shadow and mascara and glossy red lipstick as garish as ever, her smile superior, her crow’s feet caked with makeup.
Yep, not liking Yvette at all.
She was never pretty. That was the problem. Or at least one of them, as far as her career was concerned. And despite extensive cosmetic surgery (she was due to have her eyes redone when the hurricane hit) she looked all of her 57 years.
She considered herself a beacon of bravery— an inspiration to us. She could easily have been elsewhere.
Yvette emerged from her recently remodeled fourth floor executive sanctuary, where at least there was light (which we could see under the door), followed by Patty and Paula, her ever-present identical twin administrative assistants.
I wonder why there’s electricity in her office and no where else. That has to be unusual. Looks like we’re pulling in closer now, the narration isn’t so distanced. I do prefer that.
Patty and Paula— helmet-haired petite brunettes who never dressed alike because that might cause confusion— carried battery-powered lanterns …
Awe, I wanted to read more. That’s a good thing! I’d say you were successful in hooking me. Great job! My only nit pick would be how long I felt distanced from the scene. I liked the beginning sentence... and I liked the hint that the narrator is somehow to blame for some of this. The rest of the narration I could have done without. But I’m really an action lover, so I do tend to gravitate to the action part of the story. As far as the writing goes, I think this was well written. In the end, I was hooked and wanted to read more, and that’s what matters most.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Hook Victorine - A Challenge
Here's the challenge: Try to hook me with your first 400 words. I'll put a picture of your book on my blog with a link to it. I'll let you know if I am hooked or not.
What's the catch? The catch is I'll critique it as I go, and I must warn you, I am very nit-picky. I'll tell you exactly what is going through my mind as I read it. If it's good enough to hook me, you win. :)
Author Jenna Elizabeth Johnson was kind enough to be the first to let me rip her first 400 words apart on my blog.
Here's her book:
And now I'll post her first 400 words, interupting as I see fit. Now, I'll just say here that whatever I say is just one reader's opinion, so take that into consideration.
Gilded sunlight poured over the landscape and pushed through the trees, announcing the break of dawn or signaling the approach of evening. It was hard to tell in this strange, noiseless place.
I like the beginning. Already I have a clear picture in my mind, and it evokes a mystical feeling. Great start!
The colors here were bright, but fuzzy around the edges as if stained and blurred by water. Nothing stirred here; there were no deer, no foxes, no rabbits, not even a solitary bird to disrupt the foggy solitude. All around the trees stood silent, watching and waiting for something profound to happen.
I'm a little confused by this last sentence. All around the trees what stood silent?
And then something did happen.
Far below the wooded hillside in the bare, spacious glen something finally moved. A fair-haired child, barely older than ten, danced into sight. She looked happy and carefree, her laughter alone breaking the unnatural, oppressive silence. She wasn’t dressed like a typical girl, wearing only a plain cotton shirt over a pair of leather pants. Her hair was loose, unbound and falling past her shoulders. It caught the eerie light and reflected it in golden shards that cut through the monotony of this world. She chased after butterflies, doing cartwheels and kicking up clouds of ladybugs with her bare feet.
Nice description of the girl. I'm not so sure whose point of view we are in yet... or if we are in Omniscient. I'm not a huge fan of Omniscient, but I can take it if it's just the beginning of a novel. It's really hard to pull off for the whole thing, IMHO, so I'm hoping we switch to Third Person Limited soon.
It was obvious she felt safe here, even as the atmosphere slowly began to change. The slumbering trees grew more rigid and the pleasant scene dimmed, as if a black cloud had crept in front of the sun. Something sinister was approaching, but the girl was too caught up in her own antics to realize she was no longer alone. She was too busy dancing across the field and making merry, so she didn’t feel the change in the air; she didn’t notice the darkening sky.
I like the picture in my mind here. Jenna does a good job painting with words. I might cut the 'Something sinister was approaching', because to me that is really 'telling' the reader that, and I would much rather get the feeling of something sinister on my own, if you know what I mean. The darkening sky, and the change in the air should give me that feeling without the author telling me something sinister was coming. Also, I'd cut 'It was obvious she felt safe here' too, that's totally apparent by her playing and cartwheeling, and you don't need to tell the reader what is already apparent.
And then it happened. Something like a dark flame appeared on the edge of the meadow where the dense wood began. It was a figure wearing a blood-red cloak, creeping between the shivering trees, stalking around like a predator hunting down its prey. The creature crawled from the edge of the tree line and drew closer to the girl. But the girl kept at her games, unaware of the menacing threat to her safety.
Again, I really like Jenna's descriptions. I'm not in love with the 'Something like a dark flame appeared'... that doesn't really tell me what it is. I also see some more 'telling' in the last sentence. If she's keeping up her games, obviously she isn't aware of the threat. It's more powerful to not tell the reader that she isn't aware, just show her being unaware.
As the ominous figure moved ever closer, it threw open its arms like a great, blood-stained bat, its crimson cloak curling and flowing behind it as if pushed by an imperceptible wind. The creature began to grow, becoming larger and larger with each step.
I like the feeling Jenna's created here, and I want to know what happens to the girl. I would say this is a pretty good hook for me. I would continue to read, to see what happens. Great job Jenna!
Leave a comment and tell me if Jenna's first 400 words hooked you.
What's the catch? The catch is I'll critique it as I go, and I must warn you, I am very nit-picky. I'll tell you exactly what is going through my mind as I read it. If it's good enough to hook me, you win. :)
Author Jenna Elizabeth Johnson was kind enough to be the first to let me rip her first 400 words apart on my blog.
Here's her book:
And now I'll post her first 400 words, interupting as I see fit. Now, I'll just say here that whatever I say is just one reader's opinion, so take that into consideration.
Gilded sunlight poured over the landscape and pushed through the trees, announcing the break of dawn or signaling the approach of evening. It was hard to tell in this strange, noiseless place.
I like the beginning. Already I have a clear picture in my mind, and it evokes a mystical feeling. Great start!
The colors here were bright, but fuzzy around the edges as if stained and blurred by water. Nothing stirred here; there were no deer, no foxes, no rabbits, not even a solitary bird to disrupt the foggy solitude. All around the trees stood silent, watching and waiting for something profound to happen.
I'm a little confused by this last sentence. All around the trees what stood silent?
And then something did happen.
Far below the wooded hillside in the bare, spacious glen something finally moved. A fair-haired child, barely older than ten, danced into sight. She looked happy and carefree, her laughter alone breaking the unnatural, oppressive silence. She wasn’t dressed like a typical girl, wearing only a plain cotton shirt over a pair of leather pants. Her hair was loose, unbound and falling past her shoulders. It caught the eerie light and reflected it in golden shards that cut through the monotony of this world. She chased after butterflies, doing cartwheels and kicking up clouds of ladybugs with her bare feet.
Nice description of the girl. I'm not so sure whose point of view we are in yet... or if we are in Omniscient. I'm not a huge fan of Omniscient, but I can take it if it's just the beginning of a novel. It's really hard to pull off for the whole thing, IMHO, so I'm hoping we switch to Third Person Limited soon.
It was obvious she felt safe here, even as the atmosphere slowly began to change. The slumbering trees grew more rigid and the pleasant scene dimmed, as if a black cloud had crept in front of the sun. Something sinister was approaching, but the girl was too caught up in her own antics to realize she was no longer alone. She was too busy dancing across the field and making merry, so she didn’t feel the change in the air; she didn’t notice the darkening sky.
I like the picture in my mind here. Jenna does a good job painting with words. I might cut the 'Something sinister was approaching', because to me that is really 'telling' the reader that, and I would much rather get the feeling of something sinister on my own, if you know what I mean. The darkening sky, and the change in the air should give me that feeling without the author telling me something sinister was coming. Also, I'd cut 'It was obvious she felt safe here' too, that's totally apparent by her playing and cartwheeling, and you don't need to tell the reader what is already apparent.
And then it happened. Something like a dark flame appeared on the edge of the meadow where the dense wood began. It was a figure wearing a blood-red cloak, creeping between the shivering trees, stalking around like a predator hunting down its prey. The creature crawled from the edge of the tree line and drew closer to the girl. But the girl kept at her games, unaware of the menacing threat to her safety.
Again, I really like Jenna's descriptions. I'm not in love with the 'Something like a dark flame appeared'... that doesn't really tell me what it is. I also see some more 'telling' in the last sentence. If she's keeping up her games, obviously she isn't aware of the threat. It's more powerful to not tell the reader that she isn't aware, just show her being unaware.
As the ominous figure moved ever closer, it threw open its arms like a great, blood-stained bat, its crimson cloak curling and flowing behind it as if pushed by an imperceptible wind. The creature began to grow, becoming larger and larger with each step.
I like the feeling Jenna's created here, and I want to know what happens to the girl. I would say this is a pretty good hook for me. I would continue to read, to see what happens. Great job Jenna!
Leave a comment and tell me if Jenna's first 400 words hooked you.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Point of View
Being an indie author doesn’t automatically mean your book needs work. But I've read enough indie books to know some could use a little tightening up. Point of View (POV) is one area I have found needing a little work, so I thought I would blabber on about it today.
Let’s start with the easy one. First Person POV: In this POV, we are in the main character’s head, and the word “I” is used. We only know what the main character knows. If you start in this POV, your entire book should be written in first person. I’ve seen traditionally published books where the author started in first person, and then decided they needed to tell the story from another POV, so they switched into another character’s head. In my opinion, this is confusing and should be avoided at all costs. If you think you might want to switch the POV to another character, you should start out in Third Person. (We’ll get to that one later.)
Here’s an example of a paragraph written in first person: I grabbed my lunch and headed out, slamming the door behind me. I had only taken a few steps before I heard quiet sobbing. Sheila sat on her front stoop, her head in her hands. I rushed over to see what was wrong.
Now, here’s an example of the same paragraph, with a point of view shift that shouldn’t be there: I grabbed my lunch and headed out, slamming the door behind me. I had only taken a few steps before I heard quiet sobbing. Sheila sat on her front stoop, distraught over her husband’s harsh words. She couldn’t believe what he had just said to her. I rushed over to see what was wrong.
In the second example, we shift over to Sheila’s POV in the middle, and then back to the main character’s POV. We can easily tell because the main character wouldn’t know why Sheila was distraught. We should only be able to hear and see what the main character is hearing, seeing and thinking.
First Person POV is the easiest to stay in. It is also limiting, because we can never leave the main character’s head. If something is going on in the book outside of the main character’s knowledge, we can’t find out about it. We don’t know what other characters are feeling and thinking, only what the main character perceives through his or her five senses.
Next, we’ll talk about Second Person. This is where the word “you” is used, and you as the reader are the main character. This point of view is hardly ever used in novel writing. I’ve read a few poems written in Second Person, but it’s hard to pull off. For the purpose of this blog, I’m not going to say any more about Second Person POV. You don’t need to worry about it, you’ll probably not be using it.
Now we come to Third Person POV. This is where the author uses “he” and “she”.
There are two main types of this POV that I will touch on. The first is Third Person Omniscient. In this POV the narrator can see into everyone’s head, knows not only the past and present, but also the future.
Here’s an example written in Third Person Omniscient: Sheila wiped the tears from her cheeks and stood. Her resolve crumbled, and she entered her one story cottage. She had no idea that today would be the day that would change her life.
The reason this example is Omniscient is because Sheila wouldn’t know that today would be the day that would change her life, so we’re no longer in her POV. The narrator knows all, so the narrator can reveal all. This can be disorienting to the reader.
Third Person Omniscient is difficult to pull off, and was mostly used in the past. Today, if it is used it is usually to begin a novel, and then the author switches to Third Person Limited.
Which brings us to our next POV, Third Person Limited. This POV is probably the most used, and has the most flexibility. In this POV the author uses “he” and “she”, but stays in the mind of one character. The author can switch between characters, but only after section or chapter breaks. While we are in one section, we should stay firmly in one character’s POV.
Here is an example of Third Person Limited: Sheila stalked into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of orange juice, glad that Robert wasn’t around. Footsteps sounded behind her and she turned. Robert leaned up against the counter, his jaw clenched and his eyes narrow. “Oh, you startled me,” she said.
Here we were in Sheila’s POV. We can tell it’s Sheila’s POV because she was glad that Robert wasn’t around. We wouldn’t know this in anyone else’s POV.
Now here’s the same passage, but with a POV shift that shouldn’t be there: Sheila stalked into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of orange juice, glad that Robert wasn’t around. Robert opened the bedroom door at the sound of someone in the kitchen. He walked over to Sheila, and leaned up against the counter. Anger coursed through him. “Oh, you startled me,” she said.
The passage first starts out in Sheila’s POV. We know it’s her POV because we read that she’s glad Robert isn’t around. The POV shift happens when we read ‘at the sound of someone in the kitchen’. Sheila wouldn’t know why Robert was coming out of the bedroom, and depending on where she’s looking, and if you can see the bedroom door from the kitchen, she might not even be able to see Robert.
So, what’s the big deal? Why can’t I shift into Robert’s POV? I want to write about his anger coursing through him. Why can’t I switch?
The answer to this is simple. POV shifts are disorienting to the reader. If you want to jump into Robert’s POV, end the section and begin another one starting out in his POV. This is much less disorienting to the reader. One more thing I would like to point out, and that is with the first example I showed his anger through Sheila’s eyes. You don’t need to switch POV’s to tell the reader that Robert is angry. His clenched jaw and narrow eyes should tell the reader he’s not happy.
Okay, let’s recap the two main POV’s used these days in novels, First Person and Third Person Limited. If you start your story in First Person, you should stay there. Don’t talk about anything that your main character wouldn’t know about. The entire story should be told through one person’s eyes.
In Third Person Limited you can switch POV’s, but only after a section or chapter break. Let the reader know right away whose POV you are in if you have switched, (if it’s not obvious) to lesson confusion. This is as easy as mentioning what your character is feeling or thinking.
While in one person’s POV, only write what he or she is thinking, feeling, and seeing. If you want the reader to know about another character, give clues as to how they are feeling by ‘showing’ the reader through their actions and descriptions.
Tips:
1. When describing things, make sure the character who’s POV you are in would describe things this way. For example, if a man walked into a bar he might notice the dim lights and the scantily clad waitress. If a woman were to walk into the same bar, she might notice the crystal light fixtures or the blue eyed man sitting at the bar. Don’t describe things or people out of your character’s POV.
2. When new characters are introduced, don’t name them until the POV character finds out who they are.
3. If your POV character is a child, don’t use names for their parents. The child would think of their parents as “Mom” and “Dad”. (Unless your character is a teen who might have a bit of a chip on their shoulder. Then they might call their parents by their names.)
4. Don’t say things like “Sharon didn’t see the man in black”, because that’s outside of Sharon’s POV. If she didn’t see it, don’t mention it.
5. When describing the POV character, don’t say things that the POV character can’t see. For example, take the sentence, “I rubbed at my red, puffy eyes.” The character wouldn’t be able to see that their eyes were red and puffy unless they were looking in the mirror.
Homework: Count the POV shifts in this next example. Leave a comment and tell me how many you counted. Who knows, you could win something!
Jennifer ran her fingers through her hair before rapping on the door. Her heart felt like a quivering lump of jell-o. Alex answered the door almost immediately. He could tell Jennifer was nervous, the way she shifted her weight from one foot to the other. “Hi,” he said, leaning on the door frame.
Jennifer couldn’t back out now. She mustered up the courage to speak. “Hi.” She swallowed, her tongue feeling like sandpaper. “I was wondering what you were doing this Saturday.”
Big blue eyes peered at him, and his heart melted. “I’m not doing much,” Alex said.
Jennifer felt beads of sweat forming on her brow. “Well, if you’re not busy, would you take me to the Sadie Hawkin’s Dance?” She held her breath.
After what seemed like forever, Alex smiled and said, “Sure.” He could tell she was pleased by his answer.
Relief flooded through her. “Great. Thank you.”
Brianna couldn’t figure out what was taking Alex so long at the door. She closed her Physics book and stood. A girl’s voice carried through the air. She frowned, and walked into the other room. Jennifer was at the door.
Brianna appeared behind Alex, and Jennifer’s heart stopped. A slow smile crept across Brianna’s face. “Hello, Jennifer.” She possessively put a hand on Alex’s shoulder.
Heat rose to Alex’s face. “Um, Jennifer, you know Brianna. We were just studying.”
“Yeah, studying,” Brianna said, wiggling her eyebrows up and down.
Pain stabbed through Jennifer’s chest. She blinked back the tears. “You know, just forget it, okay?” She turned and fled.
For extra credit, try writing this scene staying only in Alex’s POV.
Let’s start with the easy one. First Person POV: In this POV, we are in the main character’s head, and the word “I” is used. We only know what the main character knows. If you start in this POV, your entire book should be written in first person. I’ve seen traditionally published books where the author started in first person, and then decided they needed to tell the story from another POV, so they switched into another character’s head. In my opinion, this is confusing and should be avoided at all costs. If you think you might want to switch the POV to another character, you should start out in Third Person. (We’ll get to that one later.)
Here’s an example of a paragraph written in first person: I grabbed my lunch and headed out, slamming the door behind me. I had only taken a few steps before I heard quiet sobbing. Sheila sat on her front stoop, her head in her hands. I rushed over to see what was wrong.
Now, here’s an example of the same paragraph, with a point of view shift that shouldn’t be there: I grabbed my lunch and headed out, slamming the door behind me. I had only taken a few steps before I heard quiet sobbing. Sheila sat on her front stoop, distraught over her husband’s harsh words. She couldn’t believe what he had just said to her. I rushed over to see what was wrong.
In the second example, we shift over to Sheila’s POV in the middle, and then back to the main character’s POV. We can easily tell because the main character wouldn’t know why Sheila was distraught. We should only be able to hear and see what the main character is hearing, seeing and thinking.
First Person POV is the easiest to stay in. It is also limiting, because we can never leave the main character’s head. If something is going on in the book outside of the main character’s knowledge, we can’t find out about it. We don’t know what other characters are feeling and thinking, only what the main character perceives through his or her five senses.
Next, we’ll talk about Second Person. This is where the word “you” is used, and you as the reader are the main character. This point of view is hardly ever used in novel writing. I’ve read a few poems written in Second Person, but it’s hard to pull off. For the purpose of this blog, I’m not going to say any more about Second Person POV. You don’t need to worry about it, you’ll probably not be using it.
Now we come to Third Person POV. This is where the author uses “he” and “she”.
There are two main types of this POV that I will touch on. The first is Third Person Omniscient. In this POV the narrator can see into everyone’s head, knows not only the past and present, but also the future.
Here’s an example written in Third Person Omniscient: Sheila wiped the tears from her cheeks and stood. Her resolve crumbled, and she entered her one story cottage. She had no idea that today would be the day that would change her life.
The reason this example is Omniscient is because Sheila wouldn’t know that today would be the day that would change her life, so we’re no longer in her POV. The narrator knows all, so the narrator can reveal all. This can be disorienting to the reader.
Third Person Omniscient is difficult to pull off, and was mostly used in the past. Today, if it is used it is usually to begin a novel, and then the author switches to Third Person Limited.
Which brings us to our next POV, Third Person Limited. This POV is probably the most used, and has the most flexibility. In this POV the author uses “he” and “she”, but stays in the mind of one character. The author can switch between characters, but only after section or chapter breaks. While we are in one section, we should stay firmly in one character’s POV.
Here is an example of Third Person Limited: Sheila stalked into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of orange juice, glad that Robert wasn’t around. Footsteps sounded behind her and she turned. Robert leaned up against the counter, his jaw clenched and his eyes narrow. “Oh, you startled me,” she said.
Here we were in Sheila’s POV. We can tell it’s Sheila’s POV because she was glad that Robert wasn’t around. We wouldn’t know this in anyone else’s POV.
Now here’s the same passage, but with a POV shift that shouldn’t be there: Sheila stalked into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of orange juice, glad that Robert wasn’t around. Robert opened the bedroom door at the sound of someone in the kitchen. He walked over to Sheila, and leaned up against the counter. Anger coursed through him. “Oh, you startled me,” she said.
The passage first starts out in Sheila’s POV. We know it’s her POV because we read that she’s glad Robert isn’t around. The POV shift happens when we read ‘at the sound of someone in the kitchen’. Sheila wouldn’t know why Robert was coming out of the bedroom, and depending on where she’s looking, and if you can see the bedroom door from the kitchen, she might not even be able to see Robert.
So, what’s the big deal? Why can’t I shift into Robert’s POV? I want to write about his anger coursing through him. Why can’t I switch?
The answer to this is simple. POV shifts are disorienting to the reader. If you want to jump into Robert’s POV, end the section and begin another one starting out in his POV. This is much less disorienting to the reader. One more thing I would like to point out, and that is with the first example I showed his anger through Sheila’s eyes. You don’t need to switch POV’s to tell the reader that Robert is angry. His clenched jaw and narrow eyes should tell the reader he’s not happy.
Okay, let’s recap the two main POV’s used these days in novels, First Person and Third Person Limited. If you start your story in First Person, you should stay there. Don’t talk about anything that your main character wouldn’t know about. The entire story should be told through one person’s eyes.
In Third Person Limited you can switch POV’s, but only after a section or chapter break. Let the reader know right away whose POV you are in if you have switched, (if it’s not obvious) to lesson confusion. This is as easy as mentioning what your character is feeling or thinking.
While in one person’s POV, only write what he or she is thinking, feeling, and seeing. If you want the reader to know about another character, give clues as to how they are feeling by ‘showing’ the reader through their actions and descriptions.
Tips:
1. When describing things, make sure the character who’s POV you are in would describe things this way. For example, if a man walked into a bar he might notice the dim lights and the scantily clad waitress. If a woman were to walk into the same bar, she might notice the crystal light fixtures or the blue eyed man sitting at the bar. Don’t describe things or people out of your character’s POV.
2. When new characters are introduced, don’t name them until the POV character finds out who they are.
3. If your POV character is a child, don’t use names for their parents. The child would think of their parents as “Mom” and “Dad”. (Unless your character is a teen who might have a bit of a chip on their shoulder. Then they might call their parents by their names.)
4. Don’t say things like “Sharon didn’t see the man in black”, because that’s outside of Sharon’s POV. If she didn’t see it, don’t mention it.
5. When describing the POV character, don’t say things that the POV character can’t see. For example, take the sentence, “I rubbed at my red, puffy eyes.” The character wouldn’t be able to see that their eyes were red and puffy unless they were looking in the mirror.
Homework: Count the POV shifts in this next example. Leave a comment and tell me how many you counted. Who knows, you could win something!
Jennifer ran her fingers through her hair before rapping on the door. Her heart felt like a quivering lump of jell-o. Alex answered the door almost immediately. He could tell Jennifer was nervous, the way she shifted her weight from one foot to the other. “Hi,” he said, leaning on the door frame.
Jennifer couldn’t back out now. She mustered up the courage to speak. “Hi.” She swallowed, her tongue feeling like sandpaper. “I was wondering what you were doing this Saturday.”
Big blue eyes peered at him, and his heart melted. “I’m not doing much,” Alex said.
Jennifer felt beads of sweat forming on her brow. “Well, if you’re not busy, would you take me to the Sadie Hawkin’s Dance?” She held her breath.
After what seemed like forever, Alex smiled and said, “Sure.” He could tell she was pleased by his answer.
Relief flooded through her. “Great. Thank you.”
Brianna couldn’t figure out what was taking Alex so long at the door. She closed her Physics book and stood. A girl’s voice carried through the air. She frowned, and walked into the other room. Jennifer was at the door.
Brianna appeared behind Alex, and Jennifer’s heart stopped. A slow smile crept across Brianna’s face. “Hello, Jennifer.” She possessively put a hand on Alex’s shoulder.
Heat rose to Alex’s face. “Um, Jennifer, you know Brianna. We were just studying.”
“Yeah, studying,” Brianna said, wiggling her eyebrows up and down.
Pain stabbed through Jennifer’s chest. She blinked back the tears. “You know, just forget it, okay?” She turned and fled.
For extra credit, try writing this scene staying only in Alex’s POV.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Should I sell my novel on the kindle?
If you've written a book and haven't sold it to a publisher, you may be considering selling your novel as an ebook on the kindle. It is free, and not too difficult to do. But is it worth it? Do ebooks sit with no sales? Or do successful kindle authors have to spend a lot of marketing dollars to get noticed?
I decided to ask some fellow indie authors to share their sales experiences with me so I could post them. If you are interested in their book(s), just click their name. (I only pictured one book cover per author.)
Author: Eric Christopherson
1. When did you start selling your first book on the Kindle?
July, 2009
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
I sell two books (one co-written)
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
Price has ranged from 99 cents to $2.99
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
Over 500 sold in May
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
Books sold were less in May than in April (sales often fluctuate from month to month)
6. How many books have you sold total?
Roughly 3,400
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
Very little marketing (mostly Kindle forum mentions), no dollars spent
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
Never traditionally published (have been traditionally repped by literary agents)
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
Too early to say
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
A Hollywood film company became interested in one of my books but I didn't end up selling film rights
***************************
Author: J.M. Pierce
1. When did you start selling your first book on the Kindle?
I didn't start until shortly after the first of May 2010
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
I currently only have one title for sale
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
Currently "Failing Test" is selling for $.99
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
I sold 11 in May
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
Not available in April
6. How many books have you sold total?
Total including paperback over 150
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
Book signings, Goodreads, Kindle Forums, and Facebook
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
No. Was picked up by an agent but have since gone Indie
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
I would love to be traditionally published
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
I do believe it is exposing my work to a group that might not have noticed as quickly as the more traditional paperback crowd.
***************************
Author: Darren L. Pare
1. When did you start selling your first book on the Kindle?
I started in April of this year.
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
Only one, 33 Summers
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
Currently the price is $4.99
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
I sold 11 e-books in May
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
This was five more than in April.
6. How many books have you sold total?
A whopping 16
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
Very little, still trying to find where it is cool to post and where it is taboo.
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
I wanted to get my book out there quickly and foolishly went with a vanity press. We have sold about 40 books, not what I had hoped. I didn't give myself time to get rejected by the traditional publishers, rookie mistake.
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
I wouldn't turn down a big publisher, but I am in no way ashamed to be an indie.
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
No extra doors opened yet, but heck it has only been two months.
***************************
Author: Maria Rachel Hooley
1. When did you start selling your first book on the Kindle?
May 2009
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
13 titles
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
From .99 to 1.49
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
235
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
Less
6. How many books have you sold total?
4,400
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
Forum posts, conferences, one paid add, interviews.
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
No
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
I like certain aspects of both, actually.
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
Yes.
***************************
Author: Tracey Alley
1. When did you start selling your first book on the Kindle?
April 16, 2010
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
Three, one full length novel, two short stories
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
$.99 for the short stories, $1.99 for the novel
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
29 novels, 54 short stories
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
Much more, only sold 1 copy in April
6. How many books have you sold total?
30 novels, 54 short stories
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
Kindle Boards, Amazon posts, Facebook, Twitter - still working that aspect of things out so not many
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
No, although I've come very close.
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
At the moment I'm happy with independent - I have a lot of control over my work this way but I certainly wouldn't turn down a traditional publishing deal
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
Only in terms of things like Smashwords, which I'd never heard of before - at least at this stage but very early days for me
***************************
Author: Jenna Elizabeth Johnson
1. When did you start selling your first book on the Kindle?
I first published on June 2009.
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
Two
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
Both of my books are currently priced at $1.00 each, but are usually set around $2.99.
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
In May I sold 7 books.
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
May's sales were a little more than last month's.
6. How many books have you sold total?
I have sold 138 books on Kindle so far.
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
The marketing strategies that I've tried are: having a personal website, fliers at a L.A. Book Fair, local book fair, facebook fan page, blog, business cards left in caches (geocaching), door magnet on my car, forum participation on Kindle Boards and amazon
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
I have never been traditionally published, though I'll keep trying with my other books.
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
I'd say I would like traditional publishing because they have the marketing powerhouse behind them. Other than that, I like the freedoms of being independent (it's just near impossible to make a living doing so.)
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
Publishing on Kindle has made it possible for me to offer my book at an affordable price. Unfortunately, in order to make anything from paperback books, I have to set the price much higher than I would like.
***************************
Author: Ellen Fisher
1. When did you start selling your first book on the Kindle?
I've had books available through Samhain and Ellora's Cave for a while (though none of them were selling much recently), but I put up my first indie book in February 2010. My indie books are all re-releases of books I had previously published with a small press. Most of them are doing better as indie books than they did on first release.
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
Five indie titles, three Samhain titles, one EC title (under a pseudonum).
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
My indie books are all priced at 99 cents.
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
I sold 1644 indie books in May.
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
That was over 300 more than the previous month.
6. How many books have you sold total?
I've sold about 3800 indie books in total.
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
I post on the Amazon boards a lot; I post here a bit; I'm learning to tweet: I have a website and a blog, and I comment on others' blogs.
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
My first romance was with Bantam in 1998. Since then I've written a number of ebooks for small presses. A few were made into paperbacks, but only one had significant distribution.
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
Right now I don't know what my goals are. I'm just seeing how my foray back into writing goes:-).
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
Not yet, but it certainly could. I previously got a very good agent, mostly on the strength of my ebooks (she subsequently cut me, alas!). I think it's quite possible to get the attention of agents and publishers through indie publishing, if that's what one wants.
***************************
Author: Steven Best
1. When did you start selling your first book on the Kindle?
March 06, 2010
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
I currently have two books on Kindle and Smashwords.
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
99 cents
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
25 books sold in May, not counting free promotional downloads from Smashwords.
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
It was 5 times more than I sold in April.
6. How many books have you sold total?
31,305 if you add in the free Smashwords downloads.
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
Posting at Kindleboards, MobileRead, and Amazon forums. I also maintain a blog.
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
Not yet.
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
I would love to be traditionally published, if only for the marketing and that intangible sense of credibility it would provide.
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
Kindle has allowed people to read books that might have sat on my hard drive for years collecting digital dust. What greater opportunity could you want?
***************************
Author: David McAfee
1. When did you start selling your first book on the Kindle?
March 8, 2010.
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
1 right now, but a 2nd will be up tomorrow
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
$2.99. The one I upload tomorrow will be $1.99
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
146
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
More (97)
6. How many books have you sold total?
258 as of this moment
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
Kindleboards, mostly. Ran a Facebook ad for two weeks but it didn't do well. Also secured several reviews
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
Nope.
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
It wouldn't hurt my feelings to land a NYC publishing deal.
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
Kindle IS an opportunity, and I am enjoying the heck out of it!
***************************
Author: Jason Chan
1. When did you start selling your first book on the Kindle?
April 2010
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
1
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
0.99
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
5
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
N/A
6. How many books have you sold total?
6
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
Blog and kindleboards
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
No
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
Yes, but I'd also love to be traditionally published.
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
Yes, for sure. Everyone on the kindleboards is so friendly.
***************************
Author: Ellen O'Connell
1. When did you start selling your first book on the Kindle?
February 2010
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
2
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
$1.99 each
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
491 Kindle
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
More
6. How many books have you sold total?
1,217 Kindle; 26 Smashwords @ $1.99; 112 paperback @ $9.99
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
Online through forums only
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
No
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
Don't want to deal with traditional publishers
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
Only to sell books
***************************
Author: Nancy C. Johnson
1. When did you start selling your first book on the Kindle?
It went live on April 27, 2010
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
1 title, a novel, Her Last Letter, mystery and romantic suspense
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
$1.99
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
177 ebooks
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
More. I sold 2 in April.
6. How many books have you sold total?
As of right now, 204 ebooks
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
I have a website and blog, and use kindle forums. I'm adding new types of promo as often as I can. Just joined Facebook. Still doing my profile.
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
No, I am a publisher (though small).
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
I'm happy now, but I'm always learning and open to new options in this publishing venture. Anything which will help readers find my book(s) is worth consideration.
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
Definitely!
***************************
Author: Amanda Hocking
1. When did you start selling your first book on the Kindle?
April 17, 2010
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
3
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
One is $.99, two are $2.99
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
622
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
More - I only sold 45 in April
6. How many books have you sold total?
710, as of 10 minutes ago
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
Kindleboards, Twitter, Amazon, Facebook, review blogs, my local paper, anywhere and everywhere I can without spending money.
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
Nope.
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
I definitely wouldn't mind being traditionally published, but I wouldn't say its my "goal' anymore.
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
I think this whole thing is a massive opportunity, and bother writers and readers have much more power than they ever had before. It's fantastic.
***************************
Author: J. Dean
1. When did you start selling your first book on the Kindle?
October, 2009
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
Sell? Two, but I have five free short stories and poetry pieces for perusal.
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
My novel is 99 cents. My for sale short story is a "set your own price" piece.
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
Only 8
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
A bit more, not much though.
6. How many books have you sold total?
17 of my novel and 14 of my short story.
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
Various posts on various websites, and word of mouth advertising. I'm not much of a marketing expert, so I admit that I'm limited in this manner.
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
Independently, yes
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
I'm happy with whichever one gets me more readers!
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
It has, and my free short stories do very well. I just wish that the same readers would consider my priced works as well.
***************************
Author: Daniel Arenson
1. When did you start selling your first book on the Kindle?
Firefly Island was published in hardcover in 2007. I began selling the Kindle edition in April 2010.
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
Currently, only Firefly Island. However, my dark fantasy novel "Flaming Dove" will be released for Kindle late this year.
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
Firefly Island costs $2.99.
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
In May, I sold over 100 copies of Firefly Island for Kindle.
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
I sold over 100 copies in April too; about 125 or 130, I think.
6. How many books have you sold total?
Overall, I sold almost 1,000 copies of Firefly Island. I sold about 700 in late 2007, when the book was first released, and almost 300 in the past few weeks, since Firefly Island became a Kindle ebook. I hope to start selling in other ebook stores soon, too (iBookstore, etc.).
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
Firefly Island was reviewed in Library Journal, Booklist, Publishers Weekly, and a host of smaller publications. That triggered most of my sales. Otherwise, I do the basics: own a website, facebook account, and twitter.
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
Firefly Island was first published with a traditional publisher, Gale. It's now an indie ebook.
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
I love being indie! My next novel, the dark fantasy "Flaming Dove", will be an indie release. I intend to promote it myself, and expect its sales to eclipse those of Firefly Island.
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
The best thing about Kindle is that Firefly Island now costs $2.99. The hardcover would cost $26, which was too expensive for many readers. I love Kindle and ebooks, and intend to focus on ebooks from now on!
***************************
Author: Funostra
1. When did you start selling your first book on the Kindle?
My books are somewhat different - they are not books, but, rather, interactive puzzles. I started selling the books in March 2010.
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
Currently I have 3 titles.
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
All prices at $0.99
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
In May I sold total of 150 books.
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
It was a bit more than I sold in April, though difference is not that dramatic.
6. How many books have you sold total?
Totally I sold around 290 copies.
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
For marketing, I used Twitter, Facebook and several different blogs and forums.
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
I have never been traditionally published
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
I would like working with a publisher if it will significantly improve the sales.
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
For me Kindle opened the opportunity to offer an interactive experience on a platform which was traditionally used only for reading.
***************************
Author: Joseph Rhea
1. When did you start selling your first book on the Kindle?
I self-published the paperback version of Cyberdrome in January 2008, and the Kindle version went online that June.
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
Just one: Cyberdrome, which is a near-future science fiction thriller.
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
Paperback: $14.95 (currently on sale for $13.45)
Kindle version: $2.99 (currently on sale for $0.99)
All other digital versions: $2.99
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
Just under 200.
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
About the same, although in March I sold over 400.
6. How many books have you sold total?
About 1,700 in the past 6 months.
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
Not much, to be honest. I have a website, and a facebook fan page. Other than that, I post [on the Kindleboards] from time to time.
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
Nope
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
As I only have the one book right now, and don't have the spare time to commit to starting another, I opted for Indie publishing. Maybe someday when I have the time, I might reconsider.
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
Sales of my paperback have increased dramatically since dropping the price of my Kindle version down to $0.99. I look at the loss of royalty from the Kindle version as a cheap form of advertisement for the paperback (and Kindle readers benefit too!)
***************************
Author: Camille LaGuire
1. When did you start selling your first book on the Kindle?
March 31, 2010
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
2
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
0.99
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
14
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
Less (but the previous month was my first, so my relatives were buying.)
6. How many books have you sold total?
33 on Kindle, 65 on Smashwords
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
Not much yet. Posting on forums and my blog. I ran a Twitter promotion for Smashwords.
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
I've had quite a few short stories published in magazines and anthologies, and a play produced, but I've never had a book published traditionally. Yet.
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
Definitely both. I have certain kinds of works I reserve for the traditional market. Right now I'm just publishing odd-ball, off-genre works on Kindle, but I will be writing a few things specifically for the indie market soon.
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
Mainly it's helped me find more connections with readers, and it's also given me the opportunity to write things that don't necessarily fit in a traditional publishing career. My big opportunity is that I can experiment more.
***************************
Author: John Pearson
1. When did you start selling your first book on the Kindle?
Back in October of last year.
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
Still just the 1, Learn Me Good.
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
Currently, it is priced for the Kindle at $2.99, though that has been subject to change. The hard copy price is $16.00.
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
About 10 in print, and about 140 on the Kindle.
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
This was more on the Kindle, less in print.
6. How many books have you sold total?
About 650 in print, and over 1,000 on the Kindle.
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
I had a book signing at Borders a couple of years ago, I run a blog -- learnmegood.com, I have a Facebook fan page, and I frequent chat boards like [the Kindleboards]!
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
Nope, never have.
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
I think I would like very much to be published and on shelves in bookstores as opposed to being ONLY through word of mouth.
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
It has been a fantastic avenue for exposure and sales.
***************************
Author: John Fitch V
1. When did you start selling your first book on the Kindle?
I started selling my fifth book as my first book -- confusing, isn't it? -- as soon as it was available in DTB form. That was back in November 2009.
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
I currently have seven titles -- six books plus a three-book omnibus -- available.
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
I have books as low as 99 cents, while the omnibus is $4.99.
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
May was a 23-book month, the lowest of the past three months. I did 67 in March, 73 in April. I didn't do much in the way of advertising in May.
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
See above.
6. How many books have you sold total?
Turning Back The Clock, my baseball time travel novel, has sold well over 100 copies.
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
Mainly internet-based. I've done ads on Facebook, free ads on Facebook's Amazon Kindle fan page, posts on Amazon.com, as well as Kindleboards.
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
No, I haven't.
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
I'm very happy with the indie author world. I make more money this way!
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
Yes, it has.
***************************
Author: Edward C. Patterson
1. When did you start selling your first book on the Kindle?
December 2, 2007
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
Fifteen
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
$ .99 $ 2.99 & $ 3.99 (Kindle) - varies in Paperback
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
422
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
Less
6. How many books have you sold total?
5,943 5,945 as of a few minutes ago and not including Nook iPad and kobobooks (waiting for stats)
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
Only for Free - Networking, blogging, interviews, podcasts, press releases, website, Author's Den, buzz
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
No.
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
Not a goal, but I wouldn't have them miss the opportunity of becoming a fan.
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
Yes, the opportunity of paying it forward by purchasing my fellow Indie author's books.
***************************
Author: Martin C. Sharlow
1. When did you start selling your first book on the Kindle?
Since mid December 2009
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
Currently 2. Almost 3.
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
0.99
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
35
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
More. Only sold 6 the month before.
6. How many books have you sold total?
81
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
Mostly just Kindle boards, and some amazon boards. Now I'm doing twitter, Face Book, and blog. I will be appearing on Indy spot light this week, and I should have a book trailer soon.
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
No I haven't.
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
I would like to be traditionally published, but I'm not striving for it. I think a lot of authors want this just for a sense of legitimacy. I wouldn't mind getting the promotional power of a publisher behind me, but it's no biggie.
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
As someone else said earlier, this is an opportunity that really hasn't existed before. I'm glad I'm here for it.
***************************
Author: Christina Crooks
1. When did you start selling your first book on the Kindle?
April 2010
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
I have two on my dashboard, as of today.
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
L.A. Caveman: $0.99, Thrill of the Chase: $1.99
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
72
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
More.
6. How many books have you sold total?
108.
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
I posted covers plus descriptions of both books on my website. Other than that, a bit here on this discussion board, six or seven Amazon forum posts where they seemed appropriate, two posts on Facebook, and a link on Goodreads profile. I've sent out three review copies. I know promo is vital, but I feel awkward about self-promotion. I don't want to become spammy.
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
Yes. A trad book is due July 1st.
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
Rewards and challenges exist for both. I love the indie experience. I'm betting the diversification helps my career.
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
Being a part of e-publishing when it's getting so hot is a great opportunity!
***************************
Author: Hetal Vadanlal Doctor
1. When did you start selling your first book on the Kindle?
Just 3 weeks ago.
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
One
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
0.99 [in the US] 2.99 [outside of the US]
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
My first book is sold and I was ecstatic.
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
Not applicable
6. How many books have you sold total?
One
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
I don't know much abt marketing. Just visiting [the Kindleboards] to learn more.
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
Nope
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
Yes
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
Not yet explored
***************************
I would like to thank all of these authors who have answered these questions. Just in case you're wondering, my answers to these questions are as follows:
Author: Victorine E. Lieske
1. When did you start selling your first book on the Kindle?
April 20th, 2010.
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
One
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
My book is priced at $1.99 for a limited time, it will go up to $2.99 in July.
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
It was my first whole month, and I sold 151 books. I'm ecstatic!
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
A lot more, in April I only sold 7 books.
6. How many books have you sold total?
At the time I questioned everyone else, my total sales were 158. Now, six days later I've sold 220.
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
I have posted on Kindleboards.com, Facebook, Twitter, Amazon Kindle Discussions, I opened an account on Goodreads.com, and have this blog.
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
No, I sent out 10 query letters to agents but found out that I was hoping they would turn me down. I don't have time for book signings, and I don't want to sign a contract for another book.
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
Right now, I'm very happy as an indie author. I would probably turn down a traditional publishing contract unless it was a very good offer. I prefer the control of indie publishing. And I'm making more money than I thought I would.
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
Nothing like a movie deal or a traditional publishing deal. However, I didn't expect the response to my book that I've gotten. I'm very happy with the opportunity to cut out the middle man and sell my book directly to my readers.
I decided to ask some fellow indie authors to share their sales experiences with me so I could post them. If you are interested in their book(s), just click their name. (I only pictured one book cover per author.)
Author: Eric Christopherson
July, 2009
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
I sell two books (one co-written)
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
Price has ranged from 99 cents to $2.99
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
Over 500 sold in May
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
Books sold were less in May than in April (sales often fluctuate from month to month)
6. How many books have you sold total?
Roughly 3,400
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
Very little marketing (mostly Kindle forum mentions), no dollars spent
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
Never traditionally published (have been traditionally repped by literary agents)
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
Too early to say
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
A Hollywood film company became interested in one of my books but I didn't end up selling film rights
***************************
Author: J.M. Pierce
I didn't start until shortly after the first of May 2010
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
I currently only have one title for sale
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
Currently "Failing Test" is selling for $.99
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
I sold 11 in May
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
Not available in April
6. How many books have you sold total?
Total including paperback over 150
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
Book signings, Goodreads, Kindle Forums, and Facebook
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
No. Was picked up by an agent but have since gone Indie
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
I would love to be traditionally published
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
I do believe it is exposing my work to a group that might not have noticed as quickly as the more traditional paperback crowd.
***************************
Author: Darren L. Pare
I started in April of this year.
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
Only one, 33 Summers
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
Currently the price is $4.99
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
I sold 11 e-books in May
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
This was five more than in April.
6. How many books have you sold total?
A whopping 16
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
Very little, still trying to find where it is cool to post and where it is taboo.
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
I wanted to get my book out there quickly and foolishly went with a vanity press. We have sold about 40 books, not what I had hoped. I didn't give myself time to get rejected by the traditional publishers, rookie mistake.
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
I wouldn't turn down a big publisher, but I am in no way ashamed to be an indie.
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
No extra doors opened yet, but heck it has only been two months.
***************************
Author: Maria Rachel Hooley
May 2009
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
13 titles
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
From .99 to 1.49
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
235
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
Less
6. How many books have you sold total?
4,400
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
Forum posts, conferences, one paid add, interviews.
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
No
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
I like certain aspects of both, actually.
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
Yes.
***************************
Author: Tracey Alley
April 16, 2010
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
Three, one full length novel, two short stories
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
$.99 for the short stories, $1.99 for the novel
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
29 novels, 54 short stories
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
Much more, only sold 1 copy in April
6. How many books have you sold total?
30 novels, 54 short stories
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
Kindle Boards, Amazon posts, Facebook, Twitter - still working that aspect of things out so not many
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
No, although I've come very close.
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
At the moment I'm happy with independent - I have a lot of control over my work this way but I certainly wouldn't turn down a traditional publishing deal
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
Only in terms of things like Smashwords, which I'd never heard of before - at least at this stage but very early days for me
***************************
Author: Jenna Elizabeth Johnson
I first published on June 2009.
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
Two
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
Both of my books are currently priced at $1.00 each, but are usually set around $2.99.
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
In May I sold 7 books.
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
May's sales were a little more than last month's.
6. How many books have you sold total?
I have sold 138 books on Kindle so far.
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
The marketing strategies that I've tried are: having a personal website, fliers at a L.A. Book Fair, local book fair, facebook fan page, blog, business cards left in caches (geocaching), door magnet on my car, forum participation on Kindle Boards and amazon
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
I have never been traditionally published, though I'll keep trying with my other books.
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
I'd say I would like traditional publishing because they have the marketing powerhouse behind them. Other than that, I like the freedoms of being independent (it's just near impossible to make a living doing so.)
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
Publishing on Kindle has made it possible for me to offer my book at an affordable price. Unfortunately, in order to make anything from paperback books, I have to set the price much higher than I would like.
***************************
Author: Ellen Fisher
I've had books available through Samhain and Ellora's Cave for a while (though none of them were selling much recently), but I put up my first indie book in February 2010. My indie books are all re-releases of books I had previously published with a small press. Most of them are doing better as indie books than they did on first release.
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
Five indie titles, three Samhain titles, one EC title (under a pseudonum).
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
My indie books are all priced at 99 cents.
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
I sold 1644 indie books in May.
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
That was over 300 more than the previous month.
6. How many books have you sold total?
I've sold about 3800 indie books in total.
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
I post on the Amazon boards a lot; I post here a bit; I'm learning to tweet: I have a website and a blog, and I comment on others' blogs.
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
My first romance was with Bantam in 1998. Since then I've written a number of ebooks for small presses. A few were made into paperbacks, but only one had significant distribution.
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
Right now I don't know what my goals are. I'm just seeing how my foray back into writing goes:-).
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
Not yet, but it certainly could. I previously got a very good agent, mostly on the strength of my ebooks (she subsequently cut me, alas!). I think it's quite possible to get the attention of agents and publishers through indie publishing, if that's what one wants.
***************************
Author: Steven Best
March 06, 2010
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
I currently have two books on Kindle and Smashwords.
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
99 cents
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
25 books sold in May, not counting free promotional downloads from Smashwords.
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
It was 5 times more than I sold in April.
6. How many books have you sold total?
31,305 if you add in the free Smashwords downloads.
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
Posting at Kindleboards, MobileRead, and Amazon forums. I also maintain a blog.
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
Not yet.
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
I would love to be traditionally published, if only for the marketing and that intangible sense of credibility it would provide.
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
Kindle has allowed people to read books that might have sat on my hard drive for years collecting digital dust. What greater opportunity could you want?
***************************
Author: David McAfee
March 8, 2010.
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
1 right now, but a 2nd will be up tomorrow
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
$2.99. The one I upload tomorrow will be $1.99
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
146
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
More (97)
6. How many books have you sold total?
258 as of this moment
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
Kindleboards, mostly. Ran a Facebook ad for two weeks but it didn't do well. Also secured several reviews
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
Nope.
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
It wouldn't hurt my feelings to land a NYC publishing deal.
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
Kindle IS an opportunity, and I am enjoying the heck out of it!
***************************
Author: Jason Chan
April 2010
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
1
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
0.99
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
5
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
N/A
6. How many books have you sold total?
6
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
Blog and kindleboards
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
No
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
Yes, but I'd also love to be traditionally published.
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
Yes, for sure. Everyone on the kindleboards is so friendly.
***************************
Author: Ellen O'Connell
February 2010
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
2
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
$1.99 each
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
491 Kindle
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
More
6. How many books have you sold total?
1,217 Kindle; 26 Smashwords @ $1.99; 112 paperback @ $9.99
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
Online through forums only
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
No
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
Don't want to deal with traditional publishers
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
Only to sell books
***************************
Author: Nancy C. Johnson
It went live on April 27, 2010
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
1 title, a novel, Her Last Letter, mystery and romantic suspense
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
$1.99
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
177 ebooks
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
More. I sold 2 in April.
6. How many books have you sold total?
As of right now, 204 ebooks
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
I have a website and blog, and use kindle forums. I'm adding new types of promo as often as I can. Just joined Facebook. Still doing my profile.
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
No, I am a publisher (though small).
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
I'm happy now, but I'm always learning and open to new options in this publishing venture. Anything which will help readers find my book(s) is worth consideration.
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
Definitely!
***************************
Author: Amanda Hocking
April 17, 2010
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
3
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
One is $.99, two are $2.99
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
622
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
More - I only sold 45 in April
6. How many books have you sold total?
710, as of 10 minutes ago
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
Kindleboards, Twitter, Amazon, Facebook, review blogs, my local paper, anywhere and everywhere I can without spending money.
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
Nope.
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
I definitely wouldn't mind being traditionally published, but I wouldn't say its my "goal' anymore.
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
I think this whole thing is a massive opportunity, and bother writers and readers have much more power than they ever had before. It's fantastic.
***************************
Author: J. Dean
October, 2009
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
Sell? Two, but I have five free short stories and poetry pieces for perusal.
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
My novel is 99 cents. My for sale short story is a "set your own price" piece.
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
Only 8
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
A bit more, not much though.
6. How many books have you sold total?
17 of my novel and 14 of my short story.
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
Various posts on various websites, and word of mouth advertising. I'm not much of a marketing expert, so I admit that I'm limited in this manner.
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
Independently, yes
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
I'm happy with whichever one gets me more readers!
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
It has, and my free short stories do very well. I just wish that the same readers would consider my priced works as well.
***************************
Author: Daniel Arenson
Firefly Island was published in hardcover in 2007. I began selling the Kindle edition in April 2010.
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
Currently, only Firefly Island. However, my dark fantasy novel "Flaming Dove" will be released for Kindle late this year.
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
Firefly Island costs $2.99.
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
In May, I sold over 100 copies of Firefly Island for Kindle.
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
I sold over 100 copies in April too; about 125 or 130, I think.
6. How many books have you sold total?
Overall, I sold almost 1,000 copies of Firefly Island. I sold about 700 in late 2007, when the book was first released, and almost 300 in the past few weeks, since Firefly Island became a Kindle ebook. I hope to start selling in other ebook stores soon, too (iBookstore, etc.).
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
Firefly Island was reviewed in Library Journal, Booklist, Publishers Weekly, and a host of smaller publications. That triggered most of my sales. Otherwise, I do the basics: own a website, facebook account, and twitter.
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
Firefly Island was first published with a traditional publisher, Gale. It's now an indie ebook.
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
I love being indie! My next novel, the dark fantasy "Flaming Dove", will be an indie release. I intend to promote it myself, and expect its sales to eclipse those of Firefly Island.
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
The best thing about Kindle is that Firefly Island now costs $2.99. The hardcover would cost $26, which was too expensive for many readers. I love Kindle and ebooks, and intend to focus on ebooks from now on!
***************************
Author: Funostra
My books are somewhat different - they are not books, but, rather, interactive puzzles. I started selling the books in March 2010.
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
Currently I have 3 titles.
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
All prices at $0.99
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
In May I sold total of 150 books.
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
It was a bit more than I sold in April, though difference is not that dramatic.
6. How many books have you sold total?
Totally I sold around 290 copies.
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
For marketing, I used Twitter, Facebook and several different blogs and forums.
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
I have never been traditionally published
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
I would like working with a publisher if it will significantly improve the sales.
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
For me Kindle opened the opportunity to offer an interactive experience on a platform which was traditionally used only for reading.
***************************
Author: Joseph Rhea
I self-published the paperback version of Cyberdrome in January 2008, and the Kindle version went online that June.
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
Just one: Cyberdrome, which is a near-future science fiction thriller.
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
Paperback: $14.95 (currently on sale for $13.45)
Kindle version: $2.99 (currently on sale for $0.99)
All other digital versions: $2.99
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
Just under 200.
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
About the same, although in March I sold over 400.
6. How many books have you sold total?
About 1,700 in the past 6 months.
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
Not much, to be honest. I have a website, and a facebook fan page. Other than that, I post [on the Kindleboards] from time to time.
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
Nope
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
As I only have the one book right now, and don't have the spare time to commit to starting another, I opted for Indie publishing. Maybe someday when I have the time, I might reconsider.
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
Sales of my paperback have increased dramatically since dropping the price of my Kindle version down to $0.99. I look at the loss of royalty from the Kindle version as a cheap form of advertisement for the paperback (and Kindle readers benefit too!)
***************************
Author: Camille LaGuire
March 31, 2010
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
2
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
0.99
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
14
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
Less (but the previous month was my first, so my relatives were buying.)
6. How many books have you sold total?
33 on Kindle, 65 on Smashwords
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
Not much yet. Posting on forums and my blog. I ran a Twitter promotion for Smashwords.
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
I've had quite a few short stories published in magazines and anthologies, and a play produced, but I've never had a book published traditionally. Yet.
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
Definitely both. I have certain kinds of works I reserve for the traditional market. Right now I'm just publishing odd-ball, off-genre works on Kindle, but I will be writing a few things specifically for the indie market soon.
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
Mainly it's helped me find more connections with readers, and it's also given me the opportunity to write things that don't necessarily fit in a traditional publishing career. My big opportunity is that I can experiment more.
***************************
Author: John Pearson
Back in October of last year.
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
Still just the 1, Learn Me Good.
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
Currently, it is priced for the Kindle at $2.99, though that has been subject to change. The hard copy price is $16.00.
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
About 10 in print, and about 140 on the Kindle.
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
This was more on the Kindle, less in print.
6. How many books have you sold total?
About 650 in print, and over 1,000 on the Kindle.
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
I had a book signing at Borders a couple of years ago, I run a blog -- learnmegood.com, I have a Facebook fan page, and I frequent chat boards like [the Kindleboards]!
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
Nope, never have.
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
I think I would like very much to be published and on shelves in bookstores as opposed to being ONLY through word of mouth.
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
It has been a fantastic avenue for exposure and sales.
***************************
Author: John Fitch V
I started selling my fifth book as my first book -- confusing, isn't it? -- as soon as it was available in DTB form. That was back in November 2009.
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
I currently have seven titles -- six books plus a three-book omnibus -- available.
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
I have books as low as 99 cents, while the omnibus is $4.99.
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
May was a 23-book month, the lowest of the past three months. I did 67 in March, 73 in April. I didn't do much in the way of advertising in May.
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
See above.
6. How many books have you sold total?
Turning Back The Clock, my baseball time travel novel, has sold well over 100 copies.
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
Mainly internet-based. I've done ads on Facebook, free ads on Facebook's Amazon Kindle fan page, posts on Amazon.com, as well as Kindleboards.
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
No, I haven't.
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
I'm very happy with the indie author world. I make more money this way!
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
Yes, it has.
***************************
Author: Edward C. Patterson
December 2, 2007
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
Fifteen
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
$ .99 $ 2.99 & $ 3.99 (Kindle) - varies in Paperback
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
422
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
Less
6. How many books have you sold total?
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
Only for Free - Networking, blogging, interviews, podcasts, press releases, website, Author's Den, buzz
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
No.
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
Not a goal, but I wouldn't have them miss the opportunity of becoming a fan.
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
Yes, the opportunity of paying it forward by purchasing my fellow Indie author's books.
***************************
Author: Martin C. Sharlow
Since mid December 2009
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
Currently 2. Almost 3.
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
0.99
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
35
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
More. Only sold 6 the month before.
6. How many books have you sold total?
81
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
Mostly just Kindle boards, and some amazon boards. Now I'm doing twitter, Face Book, and blog. I will be appearing on Indy spot light this week, and I should have a book trailer soon.
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
No I haven't.
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
I would like to be traditionally published, but I'm not striving for it. I think a lot of authors want this just for a sense of legitimacy. I wouldn't mind getting the promotional power of a publisher behind me, but it's no biggie.
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
As someone else said earlier, this is an opportunity that really hasn't existed before. I'm glad I'm here for it.
***************************
Author: Christina Crooks
April 2010
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
I have two on my dashboard, as of today.
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
L.A. Caveman: $0.99, Thrill of the Chase: $1.99
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
72
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
More.
6. How many books have you sold total?
108.
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
I posted covers plus descriptions of both books on my website. Other than that, a bit here on this discussion board, six or seven Amazon forum posts where they seemed appropriate, two posts on Facebook, and a link on Goodreads profile. I've sent out three review copies. I know promo is vital, but I feel awkward about self-promotion. I don't want to become spammy.
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
Yes. A trad book is due July 1st.
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
Rewards and challenges exist for both. I love the indie experience. I'm betting the diversification helps my career.
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
Being a part of e-publishing when it's getting so hot is a great opportunity!
***************************
Author: Hetal Vadanlal Doctor
Just 3 weeks ago.
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
One
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
0.99 [in the US] 2.99 [outside of the US]
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
My first book is sold and I was ecstatic.
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
Not applicable
6. How many books have you sold total?
One
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
I don't know much abt marketing. Just visiting [the Kindleboards] to learn more.
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
Nope
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
Yes
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
Not yet explored
***************************
I would like to thank all of these authors who have answered these questions. Just in case you're wondering, my answers to these questions are as follows:
Author: Victorine E. Lieske
April 20th, 2010.
2. How many titles do you now sell on the Kindle?
One
3. What price do you currently have on your book(s)?
My book is priced at $1.99 for a limited time, it will go up to $2.99 in July.
4. How many ebooks did you sell in May?
It was my first whole month, and I sold 151 books. I'm ecstatic!
5. Was this more or less than the previous month?
A lot more, in April I only sold 7 books.
6. How many books have you sold total?
At the time I questioned everyone else, my total sales were 158. Now, six days later I've sold 220.
7. What kind of marketing have you done?
I have posted on Kindleboards.com, Facebook, Twitter, Amazon Kindle Discussions, I opened an account on Goodreads.com, and have this blog.
8. Have you ever been traditionally published?
No, I sent out 10 query letters to agents but found out that I was hoping they would turn me down. I don't have time for book signings, and I don't want to sign a contract for another book.
9. If not, is traditional publishing your goal, or are you happy with being an indie author?
Right now, I'm very happy as an indie author. I would probably turn down a traditional publishing contract unless it was a very good offer. I prefer the control of indie publishing. And I'm making more money than I thought I would.
10. Has publishing on the Kindle opened up other opportunities for you?
Nothing like a movie deal or a traditional publishing deal. However, I didn't expect the response to my book that I've gotten. I'm very happy with the opportunity to cut out the middle man and sell my book directly to my readers.
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